She’s leaving home [for college]

Each year a new round of freshmen disembark on the next big journey of their lives—college.  I have seen teenagers enter the hallowed halls of higher education, very much children, and exit very much young women and men.  As a former church youth worker, each year sixth and ninth graders entered the middle and high school groups, while we bid farewell to graduating seniors, who were now college freshmen.  Even though I’m not currently involved in youth ministry, I still mingle with former students from time to time—undergraduate and graduate degrees have been earned, marriages have happened, and babies have been born.  Still, yet again, the freshmen are starting their first days of the fall semester in that strange new world known as college.

This year, my best friend Sarah and I have been helping a special young lady prepare for her future in fine arts at a college in Philadelphia.  Since my college days, I don’t think I’ve ever been so hands on in prepping a kid for what’s to come.  We’ve been on countless shopping trips to buy school supplies, clothing, personal items, storage bins, and who knows what else?  Sarah and I took her to Philly to take her college placement test and assisted her in finding a place to live since on-campus housing was all filled.  Studying her finances, we thought of ways she could practically spend the money she’s saved from working as a cashier for three years.  And let me tell you, it’s been exhausting!

It’s not just running from this sale to that sale or trying to find Twin XL bedding that she likes, it’s the worry.  Am I advising her the right way?  Is this really a good choice?  Should she really live in this apartment?  Will she need more highlighters?  Will she be safe?  Why didn’t she choose a closer school?  Who will be her friends?  What does she think about God and spirituality and all that stuff?  Where is the closest church?  Will she miss me as much as I’m going to miss her?  And finally, will she be OK?

Because I want her to be OK.  I want her to have an amazing college experience in which she will discover parts of herself that she never knew existed.  I want her to come into her own, find her passions, and drink deeply of life. I want her to make lifelong friends, go on a couple crazy road trips, and come through unscathed by the harshness of life.  Most of all, I want her to know God.  When a college boy breaks her heart, I want her to know that God is closer than she can imagine.  As exams and papers pile up, I want her to know that she can find rest in Him alone.  In her religion and philosophy classes, I want her to hold fast to her beliefs and allow them to become solidified.  I want her to know God the way I knew Him in college.

I can’t control all that.  I can merely prepare her for what lies ahead with pens and notebooks and a stapler.  I can have a few long talks when she wants to listen.  I can hug her tightly and let her know that she can always come home.  And I can get down on my knees and pray and trust God that she will be OK

This Beautiful Republic: Youth Ministry’s New Venue

By Amy Sondova Imagine five guys in their 20’s, a bit punchy from being in a van too long, standing at a scenic overlook at the Grand Canyon. In the past few days, they’ve traveled from Ohio to Arizona and now were headed back east again. A fledging rock band, This Beautiful Republic’s lead singer Ben Olin, guitarist Adam Smith and his brother, drummer Andrew, bassist Brandon Paxton, and guitarist Jeremy Kunkle did what any of us would do. They began lobbing big rocks over the side of the overlook and timing to see how long it would for the rocks to hit the bottom of the canyon. About 15-22 seconds according to Olin.

Then Olin says things took a very silly turn, “We got a Dr. Pepper bottle and shook it up real good so it would explode when it hit the bottom. Andy takes it and tries to throw it. He throws it directly up in the air. It comes down three or four feet away from me and explodes all over everybody.” Olin erupts into laughter when he adds, “The scary thing is that I’m holding the video camera and taping the whole thing only three feet away from the edge of the Grand Canyon. So when that thing exploded, I jumped back and Andy thought, ‘Omigosh, he’s going to fall into the Grand Canyon and we’re going to be minus a lead singer for the rest of our lives.’” Fortunately, Olin did not fall into the Grand Canyon and his life remains intact, at least until the band’s next trip westward.

Hitting the music scene with notable impact, This Beautiful Republic (TBR) released their debut album, Even Heroes Need A Parachute in April 2007. Being compared to a plethora of industry heavy-hitters such as Switchfoot, Foo Fighters, and Taking Back Sunday, Olin explains the band’s sound like this, “Take Silverchair and put in some Jimmy Eat World and you get sweaty, honest rock that has great melody, driving guitars, and other cool guitar stuff.” But the band’s technical proficiency, clear vocals, and cut-to-heart lyrics make TBR stand out amongst the Christian music crowd.

“I think the best thing about us, the thing that really makes us stand out, is that our music is creative and original. It’s fresh. People who appreciate music or play music can respect what we do, but it’s catchy enough for the 13 or 14 year-old kids to bounce their heads to and jump around,” explains Olin. And it’s the youth group kids that TBR is targeting. Growing up in youth group, the guys in TBR know the unique struggles Christian teens face and want to encourage them in their faith. The fact the teenagers are the biggest demographic purchasing and listening to music doesn’t impress Olin who says, “From a business aspect, that fact helps but our genuine goal is to reach teens, not get them to buy the CD.”

The business aspect of TBR is not lost on 28 year-old Olin, who after graduating from the University of Toledo with a B.A. in business supervised a Hummer sales team. Olin gave up a steady job and a six figure salary to pursue the rock star life. However, the rock star life can be anything but stellar. “One of the biggest things I wanted to do when I started in this band was to keep the perception real. Performing on the stage, the merch table, the autographs—people get this perception that we’re the Rolling Stones. But when we go home we’ve got to work jobs to put food on the table,” says Olin, and with characteristic wit quickly adds, “So don’t steal music.”

TBR is serious about their song-writing process seeking to craft songs that evoke deep emotion through a purification process that involves ripping apart a song and reworking it over and over again. Unlike many bands, TBR writes their songs as a group in which every member has equal say over the song’s musical and lyrical content. “There’s not one main songwriter in which one person comes in with the melody, the chord progression, and the basic structure of the song already done. Someone brings in a singular idea and bounces it off four other guys. The four other guys give input on what they want the song to do or what would be cool. We go with the very best idea for the song,” shares Olin, who then takes the music home and writes up basic lyrics. The process goes on an on until a song worthy of TBR’s high standards is completed.

“Black Box” is an intriguing song about death and making life count. “Everybody’s going to have a black box,” says Olin. “Will the black box say you lived your life to the fullest for God or that you went to the bar after work, spent 50 bucks, and went to bed? The song’s encouraging people to realize their lives are going to end at some point.” Then Olin shares about his 22 year-old friend who recently had brain surgery to remove a malignant brain tumor, “He was talking about how he needed to be reminded that life is a fragile thing and it can be taken in an instant. He’s treating every day as if it’s the last day and planning for tomorrow.” Only three weeks after the successful operation, Olin’s friend, who is a phenomenal drummer in another band, was back onstage performing.

The reality of life here on planet earth can be far removed from the kingdom of faith and love that the band’s name signifies. It’s this reality—the beauty and the brokenness—that TBR deals with on their album. In the song “Going Under”, Olin the chief lyricist for the band, writes about how God delivered him from a bad situation that restored his belief in God. “I struggle a lot with just being stubborn. God tells me what I need to do with my life, and it’s hard to take that first step. I come to the full realization that God is in control and completely understands what’s going on. He has a plan and just needs me to go along with His plan and forget my own. That’s hard for me,” Olin reveals.

Olin’s ability to share his life, his faith, and his convictions make him an asset to the world of Christian music and to the world of youth ministry. Showing a deep understanding of teens, Olin offers advice and encouragement to youth workers, “Most kids want the ability to speak and be heard. They want a voice. It’s when they get stifled that they get into trouble. My biggest observation through talking to teens is that they love to take and know that you’re listening. Youth workers are huge—these are people who are completely shaping the rest of their lives. They don’t go without recognition and their work is worth it.”

Then again, Olin’s a youth worker at heart with a youth group in the thousands. Think of it as youth ministry in a different venue. Because this band puts a ton of creative and physical energy into their live show, going to a TBR concert could make for a popular youth group outing, one enjoyed by both teens and youth workers. “We’re very high energy. We’ll get in people’s faces, give them high fives, and interact with them. We do thrashing and guitar throw. Our other goal is to play the songs correctly, so that what you hear on the CD is what you hear live, but the way you see these songs is like nothing else.” Olin and the rest of the band love spending time with fans at concerts at their concerts, especially teenagers. “We want teens to be able to hang out with us afterward, get pictures, and get stuff autographed,” Olin says.

Like any good band that panders to youth, TBR is also full of antics. According to Olin, there’s also an unplanned pre-show “show”. “If you just pay attention while you’re waiting for the show to start, you’re bound to see us doing something stupid. We always end up getting in trouble,” laughs Olin. Whether at the Grand Canyon or on a stage, This Beautiful Republic, is endearing, humorous, and yet serious about their faith and their music. Just make sure you step back if you see any of the guys shaking a bottle of Dr. Pepper.

Print copy of article.

Covert Christianity

Written in 2006

By Amy Sondova Today the Christian book man came into my mom’s store to replenish their inspirational literature stand. He and I have a little ritual that takes place each month. He looks at me oddly when I request some of my favorite authors like C.S. Lewis and Philip Yancey. They’ve done demographic studies, he says each time, and they know what sells. Maybe it’s futile to try, but today I did it again. I told him that we’ve had requests for some quasi-Christian books—ones that Christians can give to their unsaved friends to offer them hope. He didn’t look at me oddly this time; he looked at me with disgust. They didn’t have books that hid the message of the gospel, he curtly replied. I half-expected him to ask me how I could suggest such a thing. But he didn’t. He simply went about his work. For months, the rack has been housing books such as Amish Home Remedies and Good Clean Jokes to Drive Your Parents Crazy. Not exactly offering moral inspiration to the masses, is it? Yet my request showed fruits of a benign faith to this man.

Sometimes I wonder if I really am hiding my faith under a bushel. I mean, I have a Rock for Life bumper sticker and a Christian fish symbol on the back of my SUV. I try to be Jesus to the people I see (at least most of the time.) I’ve just never been one to walk up to a stranger and ask, “Excuse me, do you know where you’re going when you die?” I did it on a mission trip to Philadelphia once when I was in high school. I hated doing it. There just seemed something wrong with harassing people on the street with the gospel.

Yet these people so desperately need to know who Jesus is and what He did for them. They’re crying out for God’s love and they don’t even know it. Sometimes my burden for the others is so strong, I want to run up to someone, grab them by the shoulders, and shake them while screaming, “Jesus loves you! Do you understand that? He died on the cross for you and you act like it never happened. Please love Him back!” Tears of sincerity would be pouring down the contours of my cheeks, yet I’m fairly certain a simple assault charge would be my reward for this type of “witnessing”.

Street evangelism can be effective. I’ve seen people sob right there on the sidewalk and give their lives to Christ. Children, who came from the poorest of households, prayed for the first time in their lives. These are sacred moments. It feels as though we should take off our shoes in reverence because it is at these times that we trod on holy ground. Still I can’t help but wondering what happens to these individuals once we go home and return to our normal lives.

Personally, I like relational and servant evangelism. Both types of evangelism offer more than the “Here’s-a-tract-and-call-me-in-the-morning” witnessing approach. Relational evangelism was the crux of my relationships with marginal kids in the senior high youth group. Since our church is huge, it was easy for a few kids to slip away from youth group. Fortunately, I knew every nook and cranny of the church (probably because I used to sneak away from youth group, too!) Other adult leaders forced these escapees to return to the youth room. I, however, had a different approach. I just sat there with them and talked about music, weaponry, art, and whatever was on their minds. Sometimes the conversation would take a surprising turn towards God or Christianity, and they shared their hearts. They stayed in the youth room when I did talks, and then eventually stayed every week. It wasn’t because of me though; it was God in me and even then it was God.

Our youth pastor was a big proponent of servant evangelism. One sizzling summer afternoon we gathered the middle and high school students together for a project. A group of over 70 students and leaders trekked to the super Wal-Mart conveniently located next to our church. We were armed with Windex, paper towels, and garbage bags. Our mission was to wash the windshields of the cars in the parking lot. The only indication of our presence was a streaky windshield and a little card telling the car owner that we wanted to show him or her God’s love in a practical way. My mission was to be the keeper of the trash bag in which the kids deposited used paper towels.

As soon as they hit the parking lot, groups of boys ran to the hot rods while the girls began a systematic sweep of the area. The middle schoolers ran from car to car trying to bless as many people as possible (or trying to see who could wash the most windshields). Oh, well, I thought, at least they’re learning about how to serve. They really seemed to be having fun as they started to belt out, “I love Jesus; yes, I do. I love Jesus; how ‘bout you?” Customers were pleasantly surprised to see our teens serving God. I was, too.

An elderly couple and their two grandchildren exited their beat-up station wagon and were immediately approached by a couple of kids. “Can we wash your windows?” one boy enthusiastically asked.

The old man looked down and softly replied, “No, thank you, not today.” The kids ran off to the next car. A couple of girls and I were nearby picking up paper towels some of the boys forgot to throw away. While his wife and children walked away, the old man lingered behind watching us. Then he turned to us and asked, “Well, how much does it cost?” I looked at the girls indicating I wanted them to respond, but they remained tight-lipped.

“It doesn’t cost anything. We’re washing your windows to show you God’s love in a real, tangible way,” I said with a smile. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next.

The old man’s eyes filled with tears. “No one has ever showed me God’s love like this,” he choked. He was moved beyond words.

“Can we wash your car windows, sir?” I asked hopefully.

“Yes,” he said, “Please do.” Excitedly, the girls raced over to his car and got to work. He thanked the girls for their service and joined his family at the entrance to the store. The girls and I then prayed for that old man, his wife, and grandchildren. And somehow that sticky blacktop became holy ground.

A little while later some students decided that washing car windows wasn’t enough, so they began washing Wal-Mart’s windows. A few decided to return carts abandoned by careless shoppers in the parking lot. A couple of Wal-Mart employees stood at the entrance and laughed at the teens. The employees then blessed us with a whole role of smiley face stickers and thanked the students for their work. One of the kids replied, “No problem. We just did it because God loves you.” Then he put a smiley face sticker in the middle of his forehead. He was Jesus in the flesh. They all were. Smiley faces stickers and all.

Thinking about it, Jesus talked a lot and followed up His words with actions. He spent time with people, talked to them, and He served them. In fact, He was the ultimate Servant Evangelist dying on a cross for our sins. So here I sit in the shop writing this article while Five Iron Frenzy blasts from my laptop. I’m not wearing my faith on my sleeve, nor do I take issue with those who do. There’s a place for all of us at the Great Banquet. I can only hope my seat is near the saints with the smiley face stickers firmly attached to their faces.

Print copy of scribble.

Leeland: Raising Up a Worship Generation

By Amy Sondova w/ Melissa Brown A best-selling album, a GRAMMY nod and several Dove Award nominations, a new marriage, and the Feb. 26 release of sophomore album, Opposite Way—that’s a lifetime of accomplishments for 19 year-old Leeland Mooring, frontman of the band, Leeland. The band’s first album, Sound of Melodies, was heralded by audiences and commanded attention and respect from the pillars of the Christian music industry, including Michael W. Smith, Casting Crowns, Switchfoot, and Chris Tomlin.

In addition to the band’s namesake, the band is comprised of Leeland’s big brother, Jack Mooring (keys/vocals), the Mooring boys’ cousin Jake Holtz (bass), and friends Mike Smith (drums) and Mike Campbell (guitars). In hot demand, the band has been touring nearly non-stop for the past two years, which has given them a lot of time to craft an album that continues the excellence that excited audiences in Sound of Melodies.

Just as Opposite Way’s first cut was just being released to the media, Melissa Brown and I had a chance to sit down and chat with the members of Leeland, who despite being 19-24, were intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally mature. Perched on a seat neat to me was Leeland, who rolled up my business card and stuck it in his sock during the interview. Despite his apparent disdain for paper objects, he was surprisingly attentive and well-spoken as were the other band members. Next to Leeland sat Mike C., then Jake, followed by Mike S., Jack, and finally Mel.

Jack took special care to make sure that questions were answered accurately and appropriately and helped moderate discussion. Jake, one of the youngest members, was amazing and forthright, often making the everyone laugh (especially Leeland) while the duo of Mike’s were less talkative, yet insightful. Passionate about raising up a generation of worshippers, Leeland the band was eager to talk and even nicely shared the microphone.

START TRANSMISSION

Amy: I’ll start with Leeland. Everyone loves the fact that you’re 19. Youth workers love the fact that you’re young. What kind of response have you had from youth workers about ministering to teenagers?

Leeland: What’s really cool is when we get to minister at church. We sing for youth groups and the youth pastors are really encouraged. First of all, we see tons of kids that are my age, and I’ve had tons of kids come up to me and say, ‘How do I get that passion for God that you guys have? I look up to you guys and your walk with God.’ It’s humbling and encouraging at the same time for us.

As far as youth workers, we’ve got to really inspire youth workers to nurture the gifts in their own youth groups. We’re trying to encourage youth with their dreams. There might be a kid that loves to draw, loves art, writes poetry, love music, or loves speaking—we love to encourage that and see that develop.

Amy: When people think of “worship”, they think of music. Worship can encompass so much more. What are other ways you guys are encouraging worship in other ways, besides music, even though you are obviously involved within the music genre?

Jack: I think that goes back to our main topic of what we’re taking about, which is raising up a generation of worshipers. Does that mean raising up a generation of songwriters or singers? No. It means maybe quite the opposite. Raising up a generation of worshipers means going past songs and past music into living a lifestyle that glorifies God.

Yes, music is amazing and a great way to worship God, but there are so many other ways to worship Him aside from art. Our goal is to help people to find ways to dedicate their whole lives to God and worship in every aspect of their lives. I definitely think there are lots of ways we’ve missed as a Church to worship God.

Matt S.: For us, it’s more of a lifestyle. We try to be the same on the stage, on the bus, or wherever. Worship is definitely living a lifestyle of prayer and being in a relationship with God. I think if you really want to define worship it’s a lifestyle that is trying to be pleasing to God.

Leeland: Worship is anything that’s glorifying God whether that’s praying or hanging out or cleaning up the church after worship or cleaning the toilet—anything that’s glorifying God in your life or in a song is worship. It literally is your whole life devoted to God.

Amy: Leeland here is the youngest in the band and he’s kind of the “leader of the band”. How do you older guys deal with that?

Mike C: We have a good open line of communication and Leeland’s always been good about pushing everything back towards the band and towards us and making it a group thing. We were the ones that made him take the band name ‘Leeland’. He didn’t want it in the beginning, we were just in our youth group back home playing worship and then we started playing other places as ‘The Leeland Mooring Band’.

Amy: So you guys all went to youth group together?

Jake: Jack and Leeland’s parents started a church about five years ago and yeah, so we started in the church. We met Mike at IHOP and Matt went to a church across the street and Jack was the youth pastor. That’s how it started—in youth band.

Jack: Leeland I were brothers and our parents actually started the church, and maybe the people didn’t know that… (Everyone chuckles at him.)

Amy: You were brothers? What are you now?

Jack: Actually you know we did an official separation for purposes of the band. We didn’t want things to get personal, you know? So, yeah, I was actually youth pastor at the time and Leeland started writing all these songs—he was 12 years old! It was a really cool time in our lives because I would get up and preach and Jake would play bass and Leeland would get up and lead worship. It all came about because of our youth ministry. Without our youth ministry, we wouldn’t be here.

Amy: OK, let’s head back towards youth ministry. There are a lot of kids who are pretty talented and write songs. Obviously, Leeland over here is a musical genius, but how do you encourage kids in their craft without crushing their dreams?

Leeland: In the beginning, the songs may not be that great. But one of the biggest things I’ve noticed is that when someone is really, really close to the Lord and when they’re really been seeking God and have an innocent relationship with the Lord, they could be singing ‘Kumbaya’ and the presence of God will come. I’ve been around some places where the person’s voice wasn’t that amazing or they weren’t great with the instrument, but you could just tell that they were so close to the Lord and loved God so much that when they were playing I felt the Lord and felt him stronger than professional musicians.

Keep encouraging kids to write songs and keep writing and to seek after God as they’re writing. That’s the difference between a great song writer and a great worship leader. A great worship leader is so in tune with the Lord that they could be up there singing anything and the presence of God will come.

Amy: A lot of people look up to you guys as a band—both youth and youth workers because the music’s great and the lyrics are real. What do you think is a critical issue in youth workers? What do youth workers need to know?

Jack: I actually worked with youth before I was in the band. One thing I can say as a word of encouragement is to make time to spend with God and for your self. Youth workers are very selfless people, so they don’t have time for themselves.

Leeland: You are selfless and you give and give and give so much you come to the point where you’re tired. But if you devote yourself to the Lord, you are able to keep your dreams alive for your group and your city. A lot of youth workers start out with great dreams, but they lay down their dreams because they’re tired because they don’t seek the Lord and the presence of God.

Youth workers need to say, ‘God, let your presence fill out youth group.’ We can have Playstations and games all day long, and these worldly things don’t edify. They attract people, but they don’t edify. The presence of God is what our churches need to be asking for, that’s when people are changed.

Jack: Games and all those really cool fun lights attracts the kids, but once they’re there, what happens? Where’s the beef? Where’s the meat? Are they going to take something more home than meeting their friends and beating Guitar Hero? I think that’s where the youth workers need to get on their faces before God.

Amy: Youth workers can be guilty of neglecting their families because they think that ministry is the highest calling, but also family is ministry. How do you guys keep the romance alive with your wives?

Jack: Literally, your family is your ministry. It’s amazing that we’re going to minister to all these people, but 20 years from now if our kids aren’t serving God and our wives have been neglected, I don’t really see the point. When we stand before the Lord, he’s going to ask us how we treated our families, how you treat your children and your wife is going to affect many generations to come.

Amy: So, Jack, honestly, what’s it like being Michael W. Smith’s son-in-law?

Jack: They’re an amazing family. He has a reputation of integrity, and he’s put his family first. You can just tell when you spend time with them. He’s been nice to me and hasn’t given me a hard time.

Amy: We’ve been talking about the Michael W. Smith fan cruise. I was like, “It’s going to be 50 year-old ladies and Leeland”. So, really, what was it like?

Jake: It was like a worship conference to me. It was awesome. It wasn’t all 50 year-old peple. There were younger people there and some people brought their kids. We went to Alaska and spent 7-8 days there. It was free food the entire time. Ice cream in the middle of the night. Milk and cookies.

Jack: And we saw whales and that was amazing.

(Random incoherent mumblings from which I could glean, “We drove the ship into an iceberg.” Mel asks, “Did anyone abandon ship?” All of a sudden Leeland grabs the mic to make this announcement.)

Leeland: The blue whale is the biggest thing in the entire world. Its tongue weighs as much an elephant. It weighs 200 tons and its heart is as big as a car. Its tail is as wide as a small aircraft and you could swim in its largest blood vessel.

Amy: Ooo-kay. On that note, anything that you want to say in closing?

Leeland: Keep dreaming for your city and know that God is with you and be encouraged. God is doing something incredible in the hearts of youth today. Keep encouraging your kids to devote their lives to God.

END TRANSMISSION

For more information on Leeland and their current tour “The Altar and the Door” with Casting Crowns, visit the band’s website (LINK: http://www.leelandonline.com). Also remember to check out their latest album, Opposite Way, which released February 26.

Print copy of interview.

When Cutting Comes to Church

By Amy Sondova, M.A. When Cutting Comes to Church: A Guide for Youth Workers is a manual for youth workers who are working with students who self injure. Because cutting still remains largely a female problem, this manual addresses it as such. To get receive a PDF copy of this manual, When Cutting Comes Home: A Guide for Parents, or the research paper that started it all, Razorblade Confessionals, please e-mail me at amy@backseatwriter.com.

An excerpt from WHEN CUTTING COMES TO CHURCH:

It happened my first week as the youth ministry intern in the summer of 2001. Clara, then 15, a girl I had known for several years, approached me and asked if she could come over to my house and chat with me. Because I had been close to her family since they moved to Allentown, I was excited about the prospect of hanging out with Clara. I babysat Clara and her sister, when they were younger and now I house sat for the teenagers when their parents went on trips. Clara knew me during those turbulent teenage years and she knew my testimony as a recovering cutter.

Clara sat on my Lazy Boy recliner. Petite in stature, she looked lost as she sat with her legs crossed Indian style. Her long hair framed her face and hung past her buttocks. She was a very attractive girl, I noticed, and she looked at me with clear, liquid brown eyes and bluntly said, “I think I’m gay.” Unprepared for such a statement, I kept my composure and explored the topic. True, she had engaged in a lesbian relationship that never directly involved intercourse, but did that make her gay? “Boys just make me feel icky,” she said. “I feel like girls understand me so much better. Amy, you used to be into self-mutilation? I know I can trust you with this. I’m a cutter.” I looked at her pretty face, and wanted to cry. I watched her grow up. I put her to bed when her parents went out. I cared about her. I saw the melancholy torture in her eyes and I knew that she was serious. If Clara was a cutter, who else growing up right in front of me was also cutting?

Over the months and years that followed, more students let me in on their dark, little secret. During one pre-dawn conversation on the high school winter retreat, Julie, 15, told me that she had tried cutting a couple times.

Then another girl, Martha, 16, who I had been counseling, showed up to youth group with mysterious bandages on her wrist. Since I was giving her a ride home that night, I asked her if she had cut. She admitted that she did. The number of students, both male and female, continues to rise dramatically. More often than not, a trusted youth worker knows about a student’s cutting before her parents do.All of a sudden, one of your students has come to you with her horrible secret, or perhaps you found out from someone else, or saw the scars on her lovely, youthful arms. There is hope. God has put this child into your life in this specific time and this place. Because you are her youth worker, entrusted with the responsibility of shepherding a teenager, you are capable of helping her. Come with me on a journey of hope, and let us enlist the help of the Holy Spirit to guide us in our journey. Remember, this is not a dark end, but a new beginning.

Please Note: If you want plan on using more than ten copies of this manual, please obtain permission from the author at amy@backseatwriter.com.

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. To view a copy of this license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/ or send a letter to Creative Commons, 171 Second Street, Suite 300, San Francisco, California, 94105, USA. This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it <!– document.write( ” ); //–>

The Art of Storytelling

After posting “A Thread of Reality” last night, I felt empowered.  In chatting with a friend about the post, he commented that with transparency comes vulnerability.  And with vulnerability, I thought, comes the chance to be hurt…badly.

As I lie awake in my bed, I pondered why I want to tell my story.  What makes my story worth reading?  What makes my story so special?   The answer was surprising–nothing and everything.  In and of itself, I’ve got another sob story about being bullied as a teen, recovering from self-injury, battling two serious ailments at 21, a dad’s affair, a broken marriage, and a nervous breakdown.  The fact that most of it happened within a span of 12 years, the worst parts in a span of five, make it a bit more interesting.  Still, people have better stories to tell.   To that end, nothing makes my story worth reading.

Yet my story is one of hope and faithfulness, mostly due to God, and the people He placed in my life at crucial times to help me weather these storms.  These individuals are intricately and wonderfully woven into my most trying moments, and my story is also their story.  I find their story both telling and worthwhile.

God’s role in my life is by far the most fantastic.  Without Him, there would be no story to tell.  From the moment He began knitting me together in my mother’s womb, my story began and it continues to this day.  Since my main purpose as a human is to bring glory to God,  how can I not tell of His faithfulness?  God makes my story everything.

Interestingly enough, “Storylines” was the theme at the 2007 National Youth Workers Conventions, where youth workers were invited to see their role in the bigger picture of God’s story.  As a writer, I loved that theme and found it compelling.  I guess that’s how I started thinking about all this stuff, about getting serious about writing my book.   But as I write, I’d love to see others be encouraged to write as well.

Now there are various types of writing.  When I work with writers at Youth Ministry Exchange, they have to have a certain level of skill and proficiency with word smithing.  However, personal storytelling need not be good; it just needs to tell a story.  Obviously, if you have hopes of getting published, your story should be well-written and interesting.  But that’s not necessarily the point of writing–sometimes the point is just to write.  That being said, here are some tips on the art of story telling.

1. Find your main hero or heroine and build your story around him or her.  When writing a story, I find it easy to pick one protagonist and build the story around him or her.  This is easy when I interview an individual, because obviously, he or she is the protagonist.  It can be tricky when I interview more than one person because there are different stories within the same story to tell.  A good rule of thumb, though, is to pick your hero (or heroine).  Perhaps the hero you pick is you!

2. Emphasize a struggle.  Some common struggles include–man vs. enemy, man vs. God, man vs. himself.  If you don’t have some sort of struggle, then your story isn’t well-grounded.

3.  Make sure you build a good foundation to support your story.  No one likes it when a story doesn’t make sense.  For example, when writing a memoir, if you start talking about your husband and children, but never mention that you got married, it causes confusion.  If you wonder about your husband’s faithfulness, establish that your own father was unfaithful.  It helps the reader understand where you are coming from.

4. Allow your other characters to take on lives of their own.  Let their personalities shine–the good, the bad, and the ugly.  It gives a better view of people if they are well-rounded.

5.  Just get it out; you can edit it later.  When you write, don’t worry about whether it’s good or bad, just keep writing.  As you revise your piece, you will take the meat and spit out the bones.  You can go nuts making sure everything is perfect on a first run.

6.  Tell the story, even if no one reads it.   If you want to write a story, any kind of story, just do it.  Don’t worry about whether it’s good or if your friends will like it, just tell your story.  God seems to like to tell stories, and Jesus told quite a few while He was here on earth.  Story telling is part of what it means to be human, to be made in the image of God.   By sharing bits of yourself or your imagination, you are doing part of what you have been created to do, and hopefully giving glory to God with your words.

If Hannah Montana was in my youth group…

Just think of all the possibilities for your youth group if pop singer Hannah Montana a.k.a. Miley Cyrus was in your youth group…

1. The youth worship band would be rockin’ with Miley and/or Hannah as the lead singer. The drawback: All the ‘tween girls would try to sneak into youth group.

2. You could scalp tickets to Hannah Montana concerts to raise money for your youth budget. The drawback: It’s a bit unethical. (Read blog post here.)

3. That church yard sale could make big bucks when the Cyrus family gets rid of old clothes and autographed CDs. The drawback: You’d make more money selling it on Ebay.

4. Attendance would go up 1000%. The drawback: Everyone’s only there to see Miley.

5. Cheap missions trips to Disney World with Hannah; no waiting in long lines to get into Space Mountain.

6. You’d always have a great father/daughter team to emcee and perform at your church’s annual Father/Daughter dinner. The Drawback: Billy Ray would insist on singing “Achey Breaky Heart” every year and his mullet jokes get old

7. You could give Hannah Montana toys to needy kids for Christmas for a discounted fee. The Drawback: Little boys probably don’t want Hannah Montana toys.

8. Rent-A-Teen youth benefits would sky rocket as church families would seek to “rent” Miley for their kids’ birthday parties.

9. The poor girl would have an identity crisis–is she Hannah or Miley? She would definitely need some individual counseling.

10. Hannah Montana could probably get you into some pretty sweet concerts for free. The Drawback: The concerts are all artists that are played on RadioDisney like those High School Musical kids, the Jonas Brothers, and Bucky Kentucky.

Tips for Helping a Cutter Find Relief

My friend, Tim Schmoyer, wrote about ministering to cutters on his blog, which offers advice and insight on a variety of youth ministry topics.  Read his featured article, “Tips for Helping a Cutter Find Relief”.   But also look at some of other great stuff on his sight and it’s FOR FREE!

Bullying in the Age of Technology

Traditional methods of bullying such as hassling underlings for lunch money or giving wedgies seem to have fallen by the wayside in light of new technology. For example, is it better to call a girl a slut in front of a few friends or to send a text message about her to everyone on your phone list? Would you rather leave a nasty message in someone’s locker or post it on your blog for all the world to see? Technology has given us great methods to communicate over large mediums, and yet it’s precisely these mediums that have caused a rise in cyber-bullying.

According to a recent article from Reuters (read article), bullying has spread from school yards and girls bathrooms into the very homes of students through text messages, instant messages, blogs, and other types of advanced technological harassment. The article goes on to state some statistics and mentions some measures schools are taking to make rules against cyber-bullying.

Despite our best efforts, bullying will always be a sad part of life for kids. For the kids who are bullied, they will doubt themselves, withdraw, and wonder if they matter at all. The bullies dehumanize themselves acting out of insecurity and anger or even both. Even the kid who wins the lunch money in the epic school yard battle loses himself in the end. But, hey, maybe bullying isn’t that big a deal, right? I mean, we all got through middle school and high school, didn’t we?

We all got through it; some of us barely got through. One thing I’ve learned in talking to a lot of youth workers is this–an awful lot of us invested in the lives of teenagers were bullied. And some of us were even bullies. While many act like the effects of being pushed around in gym class or teased mercilessly in middle school are over, our actions speak otherwise.

Maybe we just won’t let anyone get that close or perhaps we’re people pleasers. Maybe if we make fun of ourselves, then no one else will. Perhaps it’s that back-biting gossip we enjoy, since we’re no longer the butt of the jokes (we can always disguise it as a prayer request). Or maybe we just like the feel of being one of the “popular” kids…you know, the one who gets to sit next to the senior pastor or the author of the hottest new youth ministry book. For some of us, the effects of our pasts scream loud and clear.

And, yes, I was bullied and yes, it effects me to this day, though not entirely negatively. I know what it’s not like to be included, so I try to include others, to be kind, and to share. Those of us who were bullied cruelly can compassionately share our stories with teenagers to offer hope and perhaps remind bullies of the hurt they can cause.

However, I feel sick to my stomach to think of the humiliation of being scorned in this day and age on blogs, e-mails, text messages, and so on and so forth. While students may not be worried about having a bully steal their lunch money, they have to wonder whether or not they’ll be slammed on their arch rival’s blog after school. Maybe teenagers shouldn’t care what other people think…but then again, isn’t that part of being a teenager?

I’d love to open a proactive discussion on how youth workers and those interested in teen culture can start raising awareness about this issue without coming across as lame do-gooders. Please post or e-mail me with your ideas. This is a topic I’m interested in exploring with like-minded individuals. Or, hey, let’s get a list of resources going.

Thanks to Gman for making me aware of this article via his blog!

NYWC: I met Derek Webb!

I had two dreams. Well, to be honest, I probably have more than that. But in recent weeks I’ve talked about two dreams I’ve had–to interview a Capitol Records band and to interview my favorite musician. I blogged a couple of weeks ago about my interview with Relient K, who just so happen to be signed to Capitol Records and this past Saturday, I accomplished the second part of my dream.

I met and interviewed Derek Webb.

Those of you who know me or who spent any amount of time with me at the convention are rolling your eyes; I know it. You’ve heard this story about fifty times, seen the bruise on my leg, and saw the pictures on my digital camera. But there are a whole slew of people who haven’t yet heard my story and they need to know.

As soon as I found out that Derek Webb (and his beautiful and talented singer/songwriter wife, Sandra McCracken), were going to perform in Decatur, GA a mere seven miles from the Georgia World Congress Center, I knew that I would have to check out their performance, no matter what it took.

I began making arrangements for comp tickets and an interview with Derek Webb (yes, it is quite necessary to use his full name each and every time he is mentioned). But this happened and that didn’t happen and one thing didn’t lead to another, so I didn’t get comp tickets. No problem, I thought, Derek Webb doesn’t have a huge following (he should, but the doesn’t or so I thought) I’ll be able to get in to the venue no problem. Then there was the question of an interview.

Naturally, since Derek Webb is my favorite singer/songwriter in all the world, a live interview with the guy seemed like a dream come true. Except it looked like it wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t until I was in Atlanta I learned I would have the opportunity to interview Derek Webb, but I was ecstatic. I’d finally get to see Derek Webb perform live and interview him. My trip to Atlanta had now found its highlight.

My friend, Chris, and I skipped General Session #2 on Friday night and made the trek to Eddie’s Attic using his GPS as our guide. Yeah, GPS kind of sucks. Don’t let your GPS be your guide. Anyway, we finally managed to get to the tiny venue, but couldn’t find parking. After about 20 minutes of searching, we parked about 3-4 blocks away, which wasn’t bad unless one considers the major uphill climb. No matter–I was wearing my best outfit, my hair looked beautiful, and my make-up was flawless–this was the moment I had been looking forward to for weeks.

Chris was talking on the phone, so I scurried ahead of him in my eagerness. I walked into the venue to be met with a stairway full of people. I asked them what was going on. They told me that the Derek Webb/Sandra McCracken show was sold out, but they were hoping to get seats in the restaurant so they could hear him. It took me a minute to process it.

Sold out. The words just didn’t make sense to me. I truly think that my brain stopped functioning for a second. Tears brimmed on my eyes as I quickly made my way out of the door. Chris was still on the phone, so I snuck into a little corner nearby and let loose.

I cried my little heart out. I called Sarah, who kept offering unhelpful suggestions (at that moment, nothing could help) and then I talked to my mom who told me that life was full of disappointment and proceeded to tell me a story about missing the closing ceremony at Munich Olympic Games in 1972. Ummm….what? Who cares about spectator sports? This is Derek Webb!

Chris disappeared for a minute to try to figure out what was going on, but it was no use. We gradually made our way back to his car. I muttered and cried and then apologized for muttering and crying, which made me mutter and cry more. Poor Chris, a nice Southern guy had no idea what to do. He probably wondered what he had gotten himself into.

As I went to get into the car, I had noticed the small drainage ditch that just so happened to magically appear the moment my foot hit the grate. My leg went into the ditched as the unsecured grate flipped up causing me to fall into a hole and get several major bruises on my poor left leg right below my knee. I was miserable, messy, and crying so Chris did the only thing he could–he pulled into the Chik-Fil-A parking lot and bought me a Diet Coke.

We made our way back to the hotel and I calmed down. At least I would still get to meet Derek Webb the next day, right? I was majorly disappointed at not seeing the concert and missing out on General Session #2. Soon it was all forgotten when my friends and I took a trip to The Varsity and wore silly paper hats. It was a great time!

The next day I took a cab to the Hyatt-Regency Hotel in downtown Atlanta to meet with Derek Webb, who was slotted to perform at a missions conference taking place in the hotel. I waited in the hotel lobby for his arrival. His publicist said that he would be calling my cell phone, which was on vibrate due to the convention. I held my phone in my shaking hand and waited for Derek Webb to call. Each minute seemed like an hour and I kept feeling my phone vibrate–because my hand was shaking. Finally, at a quarter past two a man walked into the lobby who had a striking resemblance to Derek Webb. I opened my press folder and consulted his photo, even though I was sure this man was Derek Webb. It was! So I walked over and introduced myself.

We found a place to sit and started the interview, part of the first five minutes were dedicated to my aforementioned story. I think Derek felt really bad that I feel into a hole, and even though I didn’t show him my bruise (come on, I am a professional), he told me that if he ever played near me again, he would personally ensure that I received tickets.

Derek Webb is probably one of the most laid back people I’ve ever met. It was a great contrast to my high energy extroverted personality. Derek told me that he’s a forced extrovert, and I laughed telling him that I’m a forced introvert (when I need to be). The interview was fascinating. I loved talking to the man whose music so profoundly influenced my life. While I realize his music is only one facet of his entire persona, it was cool to meet the man.

I think he had a good time, too. Especially when my cell phone rang in the middle of the interview and “Can’t Lose You” started playing from my pocket (“Can’t Lose You” is a Caedmon’s Call song that Derek does lead vocals on–I think that’s what it’s called anyway). Derek wrinkled his nose in amusement and I rolled my eyes. He said that he didn’t know he had any ring tones. I told him I made it myself–yeah, I’m hard core about my Derek Webb music.

The interview concluded and I got my picture taken with Derek (it’s now the background on my computer). OK, it wasn’t the most professional thing to do, but come on, the guy’s my favorite musician.

Thanks to AmyBeth who hooked it up, Mandy who cared, and all my amazing YMX friends at NYWC and at home who prayed and waited expectantly to hear about this interview. I love you, guys! I’m so glad that I have such great people with which to share my dreams. I especially thank everyone at NYWC who let me go on and on about Derek Webb and how I fell in the hole.

Guess what?

I MET AND INTERVIEWED DEREK WEBB!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I didn’t give him a screaming sling shot monkey.