Book Review:: Here Burns My Candle by Liz Curtis Higgs + Giveaway!

Having led Bad Girls of the Bible studies for years, it was fun to actually dig into one of original “former bad girl’s” historical fiction novels, Here Burns My Candle, part of Higgs popular Scotland series.  Having already retold the stories of the matriarchs of Genesis (Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel/Leah), Higgs now turns her eyes to the beloved story of Ruth and Naomi.

Dowager Lady Marjory Kerr is quite concerned about appearances as a socialite in 18^th Century Scotland, especially when her son, Donald, dares to marry not only a commoner, but a Highlander as well.  The setting of the story takes place during the 1745-1746 assault on Edinburgh’s Lowlands by Highlander Prince Charlie.  Born in the Highlands of Scotland, Lady Elisabeth Kerr believes Prince Charlie, not an English monarch, to be Scotland’s true king—sentiments which not only risk the Kerr family’s title and wealth, but also offend Dowager Kerr.  Through loss, heartache, and redemption, Marjory and Elisabeth come to rely on one another.

Admittedly, I was a huge fan of Higgs before I read Here Burns My Candle.  Still, I was greatly impressed by how Higgs commands the turbulent history of Scotland’s past, throws in authentic Scottish dialect (glossary in back of book is helpful), and captures the thoughts of characters stuck in various calamities that life presents—an unfaithful husband, a wife who can never please her mother-in-law, a sickly son, a meddling mother—all these characters are rich and realistic.  At times the plot slows down a little too much, but that is a only a minor irritation in a work embroidered with historical detail.

Here Burns My Candle is a fine addition to Liz Curtis Higgs’ Scottish Lowland series, and would make a thrilling addition to any historical fiction lover’s reading list!

Because WaterBrook Multnomah is awesome, they have given Backseat Writer ONE copy of HERE BURNS MY CANDLE as a giveaway to readers.  Giveway runs through April 1 at 11:59 PM.  Winner will be announced on April 2. Giveaway open to U.S. residents only.

To enter, simply leave a comment below.  If you want extra entries, go for it.  Just be sure to leave a separate comment for each and every thing you do (fan Backseat Writer on Facebook, Tweet, regular follower, and so on.  If you think of it, I’ll probably accept it.)  Good luck.

This was book was provided for review by WaterBrook Multnomah.

**Don’t forget to enter my Big 3-0  Bash Stash giveaway for your chance to win over 30 books, CDs & more!  Enter now.**

Book Review:: The Friends We Keep by Sarah Zacharias Davis

Sarah Zacharias Davis’ new book The Friends We Keep: A Woman’s Quest For the Soul of Friendship (Waterbrook) is your local bookstore’s best kept secret.  If you’re a woman and you have friends, then you need to read this book.  Or if you’re a woman who wants to be a good friend, you need to read this book.  Perhaps you’d rather “hang with the boys,” you still need to read this book.  While Christian living books aimed at women can often derail with flowery metaphors and “tea party” talk, Davis does the very opposite—she emboldens women to pursue a lifetime of friendships.  And, no, she doesn’t get sappy.

The Friends We Keep is a well-researched and exceptional approach to what is going on with woman and their tumultuous relationships.  Davis starts out by introducing four female archetypes—the Nurturing Friend (think Meg from “Little Women”), the Evil Queen (jealousy rules as she strives to make others feel inadequate), the Olympian (constantly competing to be the best), and Marie Barone (named after the mother from “Everybody Loves Raymond.”  Maries constantly undermine the innocent with passive aggression).  After fleshing out these archetypes, Davis tackles one of the seedier aspects of womanhood—gossip.

For centuries, women shared information as a way to connect and create community, says Davis, but now, women also use it to gain power.  She could easily shy away from her own involvement in gossip, jealous behavior, and other uncomfortable issues, yet Davis owns up to her own shortcomings, which allows the reader to be more honest about hers. At times, The Friends We Keep is painful to read due to its deep probing questions about motives, manipulation, jealousy, competition, and selfishness.  If a reader allows it, this book can act as a catalyst for deep change in how she treats herself and others.

However, Davis doesn’t leave readers in their pain.  She then offers a look at the various types of friendships a woman may have in her lifetime using personal accounts from her life and the lives of others to share about childhood friends, sister friends, best friends, soul friends, unlikely friends, and friend groups.  Using biblical examples such as Jesus and Peter’s friendship as well as Naomi and Ruth’s, Davis clearly keeps her focus biblical without overwhelming the reader with “too much Bible,” so this book is a great read even for non-Christians.  By no means does Davis water down her faith, instead she says that a deeper friendship with God leads to right relationships with others.

Her last chapter, which deals with the topic of friendship with self, is particularly interesting.  Friendship with self is not narcissistic, explains Davis, but necessary for self-preservation and connectedness with God and self.  She asks readers to examine their negative internal self-talk—messages such as “You are too fat.  You are ugly.  You aren’t good enough”—and ask if they would really want to be friends with someone like that.  Why, then, should we find it acceptable to say these things to ourselves?  To be friends with self is also to extend the same mercy, kindness, and grace we give to others to ourselves.

Simply put—women, you need to read this book. The Friends We Keep by Sarah Zacharias Davis will change the way you interact with your gal pals and allow you to truly find the soul of friendship.

Amy’s Rating:: 6 out of 5 (yes, it’s really that good!)

Palin’s Only the VP Pick, Right?

Is Gov. Sarah Palin running for President or running alongside John McCain as his VP pick?  It’s hard for me to tell anymore since the media has been slamming the governor left and right (but the attacks mostly come from the left).  Why hasn’t Joe Biden been under such scrutiny?  He’ll only be a heartbeat away from the Presidency if Barack Obama wins the election, yet he can make stupid statements until the cows come home and it’s barely a blip on the political scene.

Yet Sarah Palin is being ripped apart, and some say, she’s just got to toughen up and take it like a man.  But the problem is that she’s not a man; she’s a woman.  And I believe that because she’s a woman–a conservative woman at that–that she is arguably enduring harsher criticism than any other candidate.  Take the informative news clips (teasers) on AOL.com’s main page, two articles on Sarah Palin–one about her interview with Katie Couric and another about how she was blessed by a witch hunter.  There’s also a teaser regarding David Letterman’s rant against McCain for ditching Letterman to head to Washington to deal with the budget crisis (I’ve already dealt with Letterman’s nonsense…read post).  Whoa, a politician acting political! Now if only we could get a late-night talk show host that’s actually funny…

Initially, Palin seemed to be a media darling, but all that has changed.  I even heard a “comedian” suggest that Palin’s husband is molesting her teenage daughters (“doing those girls” was how he delicately phrased it).  Umm, on what planet is that deemed acceptable?

One Fox News pundit suggested that being a woman in politics is hard and Sarah Palin needs to learn to suck it up.  However, is asking what size bra cup she wears really politics as usual?  I don’t mean to be crass, but when was the last time we ask how big Obama’s you-know-what is?  Just typing that caused my gag reflex to hop into action.

It is right to question Gov. Palin’s experience–does she have what it takes to be a heartbeat away from the presidency?  Is she a good diplomat?  Will she be able to handle herself with foreign leaders?  Or maybe we should ask, are foreign leaders ready to handle her?  Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari called Palin “gorgeous” and is also quoted in Newsday as saying, “Now I know why all of American is crazy about you.”  Sorry, Mr. Pakistani President, all of America is not crazy about Palin (video below.  I think she handles herself masterfully!  What would *you* say if you were hit on by the President of Pakistan?) Of course, being as Zardari is the widower of the dazzling Benazir Bhutto (read my posts: “The Beauty of Benazir Bhutto” and “The Woman Who the Terrorists Feared Most“), he’s not one to be intimidated by beautiful or powerful women.

However, it’s the other rhetoric regarding Sarah Palin that makes me angry.  Yes, she’s beautiful and she’s from Alaska.  So what?  Growing up in a small town doesn’t diminish her intelligence (though some have suggested otherwise) and “straight talk” actually endears her to the people.  Generally, political speeches engage me for the first ten minutes then my mind starts to wander.  Sarah Palin, on the other hand, fascinated me.  She engaged me.  She made everyone care about presidential race again.  But that was so last week.

As soon as she was viewed a viable threat to the potential Obama presidency, the media turned on Palin–viciously.  They make pitbulls and hockey moms with or without lipstick look scary.  While Sarah Palin may be used to such attacks, I’m taking it personally.  I’m so tired of the media telling me who I should or should not vote for when clearly Obama is the favorite–his face is plastered all over Facebook and AOL and the news.  His associations with folks like Rev. Wright and others is just dust under the rug.  His qualifications are called into question, but Palin’s resume seems to be getting a tougher critique, which makes me wonder–Palin’s only the VP pick, right?

Read “I Hate You Sarah Palin” by the National Review’s self-proclaimed liberal writer David Kahane.  It’s a very interesting column. Here’s an excerpt: “So that’s why we hate you, Sarah Marshall Palin. We hate you because you remind the other side of their wives, their girlfriends, their daughters, and make them want to fight for you against our sneers and our smears.”

Bridezillas = Wifezillas

I felt like vegging out in front of the TV to watch something mindless (but not too mindless. I drew the line at “High School Musical: Get in the Picture,” a lame new “reality” show on ABC). I settled on “Bridezilla”, a “reality” show on WE (Women’s Entertainment) about brides who go postal getting ready for their weddings. Personally, I like watching women act irrationally because it makes me feel saner. Yes, I find sanity at the expense of others.

These brides know what they’re signing up for when they have a television crew follows them around as they primp and preen and taste and decorate (and yell and scream and curse out and alienate all their close friends and family). I don’t feel that bad for them. If there was a show called “PMS Nation,” and I was asked to “star” in it for a few episodes, I would decline (unless I got a lot of money), but I doubt the world wants to see me act irrationally, eat chocolate, lie around moaning, burst into tears for no reason, and yell at people for no reason. Plus, this sort of behavior would scare off all men and prevent me from becoming a bride(-zilla).

Despite how I would act on “PMS Nation,” I’m pretty sure I would be nicer than these girls. On the last episode I saw, the one bride-to-be was particularly cruel signing up her future hubby for weight loss AND etiquette classes. Plus, she complained about everything he did—how he chewed, what he ate, how he dressed, and so on. I was beginning to wonder why she went on a date with him in the first place. It seems a little odd to marry someone she clearly finds so repulsive. Naturally, the groom was getting pretty angry, but did he dump her? Not yet. For the most part he put up with it! Is that love or stupidity?

The part that nearly killed me was this—she got the poor guy (Jeremy…I can remember his name because she was always screaming it) up at 5:30 AM for his surprise personal work-out. Who wants to get up that early…to work out…unexpectedly? I can’t think of a worse thing to do in the wee hours of the morning. While she’s “encouraging” Jeremy (OK, screaming at him and calling him cruel names), she downs a dozen donuts! Literally, 12 donuts! Plus, she was fat, too! She was the worst bridezilla I’ve ever seen.

This is the part that kills me—the guys ALWAYS marry these hysterical psychos! If this is how a woman acts under wedding stress, chances are this is how she will act when marriage gets tough or the kids are out of control. These men have the unique opportunity to see how it’s going to go down before they ever say “I do” and they say it anyway.

It’s times like this I truly wonder why I’m single. Look, I want my wedding to be beautiful, but I’d go to the J.P. You know, whatever works. Instead of having a wishing well to give me and my future mister cash, wouldn’t it be cool to use the money to buy a well for Blood: Water Mission? There’s no need to go broke having a “dream” wedding; the dreamiest part of the day is going to the man standing at the front of the church waiting to marry me. The decorations, the dress, the gifts, the guests, and the seating arrangement are just incidentals that come along with the affair, not the main event. Frankly, if my beloved wanted to wear comfy jeans, sandals, and his favorite t-shirt I’d be cool with that (as long as the t-shirt wasn’t one I found revolting. I do have standards after all).

I don’t understand how these women can spend so much money and hurt so many people just to make things “perfect.” Do these chicas also expect picture perfect homes and children and marriages, too? Because if they do, no wonder the divorce rate in the United States is so high. Nothing is that perfect, especially not weddings. Besides, things are usually more memorable and hilarious when disaster strikes.

If I ever do get to say “I do”, I count on tripping down the aisle, breaking something when I throw my bouquet (or accidentally nailing someone in the face. I apologize in advance), and waiting impatiently for a member of the wedding party as she arrives late. That’s life, especially married life. Any woman (or man) that refuses to deal with that reality has no business getting married because the real wedding disaster will be an unhappy marriage.

Big can be beautiful? Really?

Until I saw this news article, I had no idea that Mia Tyler existed. Captivated by the title of a plus-sized model who wanted to commit suicide, I decided to give the article a looksy. Apparently Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler has another little girl besides actress Liv Tyler (who is one of my favorite actresses) and she’s coming out with a book called Creating Myself: How I Learned That Beauty Comes in All Shapes, Sizes, and Packages, Including Me. I’m sort of bummed that it doesn’t come out until August 26 because it’s on my must-read list.

Mia with her dad, Aerosmith’s front man Steve Tyler

Mia and I have a lot in common–we’re both models, daughters of famous rock stars, plus-sized, blue-eyed, writers, think Liv Tyler is cool, and former self-injurers. OK, so I’m not really a model or the daughter of a famous rock star, but the other stuff is true. When I look at photographs of this woman, I can’t believe that she would see herself as anything but beautiful. Yet I know her struggle all too well.

I remember staring at my fat bulges in hatred as I willfully cut myself, scarring my body forever. Like Mia, I remember thinking I would be better off dead because no one could love this ugly girl. Unlike Mia, my hope didn’t (and doesn’t) come from a phone call from MTV asking me to be a VJ (although being a MTV VJ would be pretty fly), it comes from God.

I’ve mentioned before that I thought God hated me for being fat, and defiling this temple I carry around planet earth. It’s OK if other people do things to defile their temples like smoke or drink or clog their arteries or whatever, but not me. I am completely devoid of grace on this one. Or so I thought. If I’m honest, I still wrestle with it in my mind. I’m working through it.

Mia and I have one more thing in common–we’re both beautiful. Really.

What Men Want

Remember that movie What Women Want, where Mel Gibson is given the “gift” of hearing women’s thoughts? Men always say that women are so hard to figure out, but guess what? Guys aren’t any easier to decipher. Fortunately, AOL Personals comes to the rescue once again with more sage-like wisdom on dating, love and marriage. Today, ladies, we will learn the number one thing that men are really looking for in a wife. This should be good.

Men want someone who is…like their mother.

While I’m sure this doesn’t take into account men who have moms bordering on psychotic (although you never know…), is this what guys really want? And why? Do they want someone to take care of them, cook, clean, and kiss their boo-boos? Does this mean I need to find a guy whose mom doesn’t enjoy cooking, sports, or rap music? That shouldn’t be too hard, right?

According to a study conducted by researcher Christine Whalen (who also authored Why Smart Men Want Smart Women), men also want a woman who has similar achievements to mom, meaning that if mom stayed home with the kids, so should his wife. Or if mom has a graduate degree, so should the ideal spouse.

Here are some other facts from the article:

” — 72 percent of mothers of high-achieving men worked outside the home after they had children.

– Among those men, 75 percent agreed or strongly agreed with the statement “Men are more attracted to women who are successful in their careers.”

– Men who grew up with working moms were almost twice as likely to marry a woman who makes $50,000 or more per year.

– 62 percent of high-achieving single men disagreed with this statement: “Women who are stay-at-home parents are better mothers than women who work outside the home.”

OK, so weigh in–what do you folks think about this information? Men, agree or disagree? I’m especially interested in the opinions of men who had less-than-stellar mothers. Women, have you found that the males you’ve dated (or married) have wanted you to be like mom?

Does this swimsuit make me look fat?

I’ve probably never looked this good in a suit, but you get the idea….

I love swimming, especially the first moment when I get into the water. It feels cool (sometimes cold) and refreshing. There’s an instant where I wonder–should I do it now? The colder the water, the longer it takes. But eventually, a thrill of anticipation rises within me and I plunge my body underwater. Seconds later, I emerge drenched with the chlorinated water of my local pool dribbling down my head. Ever since I was little, taking that first dunk under the water was magical.

As I got older, the first dunk became a little harder to achieve. Like many women, I feel horribly self-conscious in a bathing suit (and mine even has little shorts attached). Despite the clingy water-friendly fabric covering my body, it’s like I’m exposed to the whole world…and they all know the truth…I’m fat. It’s not like it’s a secret under my normal every day attire. It’s just more evident when you’re wearing a swimsuit.

Some people at the pool like to sit out in their bikinis or Speedos (I could do without the Speedos!), reading and tanning watching their kids splash around in the pool. Not me. After I shove earplugs in my ears (I’m prone to ear infections) and store my glasses in my bag, I look around me to make sure no one is watching (which is really tricky since I usually take my glasses off first. It would seem silly to put them back on to make sure I wasn’t being gawked at though). Once I’m satisfied that I’m being relatively ignored, I throw off my ugly purple “beach” dress and make a mad dash into the pool.

Just like taking the first dive, I have to psych myself up for this moment, except it’s not enthralling; it’s humiliating. Sometimes it even changes the interactions I have with people in and around the pool. When the lifeguard signs me in, I’m secretly wondering if she is staring at me and hoping that I don’t start to drown because she wouldn’t be able to haul me out of the pool. Or if the kids laughing at the shallow end are laughing at me. I’m not sure if the lady in the bikini has sun in her eyes or if she’s glaring at me wondering how I could have “let myself go” like this. And the interesting single guy reading American short stories (ah, English teacher?), forget about it. He’s probably looking at me with disgust, repulsed by my unattractive female figure.

All this has made me realize something startling; I don’t think this just when I’m at the pool. The very idea has permeated my life–how I see myself and how I believe others see me. I’ve pointed out my observations of ugliness (and ugliness equaling unworthiness) to others, and those who’ve heard my theories have been absolutely floored that I could think such things about myself. “I don’t want to see myself this way,” I argue. “I just do.” I don’t want to see myself this way; I’m just battling it right now. And I won’t always see myself this way. In fact, I won’t always be this way…it’s just how I am today.

Sometimes I wonder where that chubby little kid in her pink leopard print bathing suit hangs out these days, because she certainly isn’t here. That girl jumped off the diving board, swam in the deep end, and drank deeply from the riches of summer. This girl stares at the mirror when wearing tank tops wondering why summer has to be so hot and why her arms are so disgusting. Yet both girls still love that first plunge underwater and can swim happily for hours on end. I’m starting to think the world is my ocean (also a fun place to swim), I just need to be willing to dive in, even if the water is chilling.

Review :: Guys Like Girls Named Jennie by Kerri Pomarolli

By Amy Sondova Finally, a book for the single woman about dating—written by a woman who actually goes on dates. Kerri Pomarolli’s Guys Like Girls Named Jennie (Zondervan) is a fresh approach to tired old singles books. Instead of bogging readers down with dating tips, Kerri takes us through her dating history—detail by excruciating detail. This comedienne/actress/author writes conversationally and more importantly, realistically. Reading each chapter is like sitting down for a smoothie with Kerri as she recounts her latest dating disaster or plans her next great romance.

Being a single woman myself, I found Kerri’s forthright attitude about dating, courtship, how the church views singles, and trying to find God’s best to be so true. In fact, Kerri says the things the rest of us are thinking, and she communicates her message through humor. For example, she writes, “Doesn’t it seem like all Christians get married right after puberty? I mean, if you’re twenty-five, a Christian, and single, people need to be lifting you up in prayer.” Exactly. Kerri tackles these issues head-on, refusing to hold back, and readers will love her for it.

It’s not just the humor that makes Guys Like Girls Named Jennie so enjoyable; it’s Kerri’s ability to break down her experiences with a dose of humility and vulnerability. When she goes too far into a relationship emotionally or physically, she is quick to admit her folly. “Okay, it’s a given that I never made it through watching an entire movie with a boyfriend without some massive make-out session…” she writes while seeing a man she refers to as Mr. H. It doesn’t work out with Mr. H because he doesn’t share her convictions, nor does it work out with Joshua or Doug or Rob or many others. In fact, one of Kerri’s relationships ends with a stalker from a Christian dating site. Ouch! Towards the end of the book, Kerri winds up starting a relationship with fellow comedian Ron, who is clearly the best of the lot (though Kerri does date some pretty amazing eligible bachelors).

Perhaps the most touching parts of the book come when Kerri dares to ask the questions on the hearts of women like, “So, God, are you saying I can’t handle a boyfriend right now? Am I so much more ill prepared for marriage than all of my friends who are married?” She even touches on a very sensitive issue—what if there is no Mr. Right for her? What if God’s best doesn’t come? Interestingly enough, I would have never imagined that a beautiful woman like Kerri would have any so many dating foibles. Sure, she has little trouble getting dates, but a lot of trouble finding the “right” guy for her. From the beginning of the book until the end, Kerri grows from a girl who wants to date a Christian man into a woman who only wants a man after God’s own heart (one who will pray with her and for her).

Whether you’re single, dating, married, or divorced, Guys Like Girls Named Jennie is a book for every woman at any time of her life. Kerri’s experiences are laugh-out-loud funny, heart-breaking, real, and also offer insight into the heart of God and His love for His children. Incidentally, Kerri’s story does have a happy ending. Find out what happened between her and Ron at her personal website, kerripom.com.

How Guys Think

Maybe men really are from Mars…

I was telling my friend, Jen, about how ridiculous I am when it comes to relationships with guys. My feelings always get hurt because I misinterpret the actions of the men in my life. Being an only child and a survivor of childhood abuse, I’ve been pretty clueless for many years on the opposite sex. While I’ve been able to open up to my guy friends and father-like figures, I sometimes get it really, really wrong. If you’re like me, you’ll find what my friend Jen told me to be helpful.

“1. Guys are not nearly as complicated as we women make them out to be. Guys are simple; it’s us that complicate things.”

“2. Guys think differently about things than women do. You talk to a guy for 3 hours, you hang up & rehash every word. The guy hangs up & thinks about what’s for supper.”

“3. Taking that into consideration, guys are basically straightforward & very short-term memory, he’s probably clueless that you’re waiting to hear back or he just forgot to call.”

This is great advice because as a woman I tend to complicate EVERYTHING, rehash every conversation to make sure I said the right stuff (transcribing interviews is the worst), and I think guys are as analytical as me. Then I realize how ridiculous I am and it dawns on me–maybe this is why I’m not married! I’m neurotic!

When I said this to Jen she told me to join the club, adding, “ We’d have meetings, but when we cancel the other members think it’s because we’re avoiding them.” I can be a pretty straight shooter, except when it comes to my personal relationships…oh, gosh, to be a woman!

She Ran With the Boys

This is what I know about the Kentucky Derby. It’s a horse race that happens in Kentucky. Women attending the race wear ridiculous hats. Now I know that a filly named Eight Belles ran the race today, finished second, collapsed, and was euthanized on the track. The female horse was an unlikely contender running against 19 strong males, and yet she finished and finished well.

At the end of the race, she collapsed breaking both ankles on her front legs. Horses have difficulty recovering from leg injuries, despite what the movie Seabiscuit tells you, so she was put down. Just like that (full story).

As a woman, there’s a lot to be said for a filly running in a historically stallion race–is she strong enough? Does she have what it takes to be competitive? Will the other horses sexually harass her? (Oh, wait, that’s corporate America, my bad!) Her owners wanted to make history since a only a handful of fillies have taken first before (and female horses are largely underrepresented in the Kentucky Derby). Was she weaker than her competitors? Was she run too hard? Just what went wrong to make a perfectly healthy horse, the runner-up,  take a tragic fall leading to her eventual death?

No one knows…yet.

But that’s not what interests me. What interests me in Eight Belles’ story is the fact she ran at all. As a woman, I love that filly taking on the stallions. I’m sure many women agree. It wasn’t just Eight Belles out there on the track–it was a representative of the female race trying to break the traditions of the old boys club. It was all of us on that track running against all the strong guys that told us we couldn’t because we’re girls.

The men who told us that we couldn’t use power tools.

The guys who laughed at us when we told them we wanted them to talk to our faces, not our chests.

The boys who threw dirt in our faces and told us we cried like girls.

The old men who muttered disgusting innuendos under their breath.

The males who told us we couldn’t do something simply because we are women.

That’s who we–Eight Belles–ran against today. Even though she didn’t “win” and she ended up wounded from the fight, she is still our champion. Because for women it’s not about winning and it’s not about how you play the game, it’s about showing up and running the race. It’s about starting and finishing. It’s about running with the boys and making it to the end, even if it costs everything. That’s how hard we fight just to finish, like an epic heroine or a equine athlete. Thank you, Eight Belles, for running in the Kentucky Derby and reminding us what it means to be a woman (or a filly)!