The Desolate Woman: A Biblical Perspective on Rape

"Desolaton of Tamar" by James Tissot

A huge kingdom in a faraway land, a beloved king with a beautiful daughter, and a handsome prince who is heir to the throne—the story has all the makings of a lovely fairy tale, yet it is a horror story. The kingdom was Israel under the rule of King David and the handsome prince was David’s oldest son, Amnon, who just so happened to be in love with his half-sister, Tamar. Found in 2 Samuel 13, smack dab between David’s affair with Bathsheba and the revolt of David’s sons against their father is the passage about the rape of Princess Tamar.Nathan the prophet told David that “the sword will never leave your household” only a few chapters earlier and spoke of the turmoil that would erupt in the king’s family as a consequence of his sin. The unraveling of the kingdom began with this rape.

It all started when Amnon became lovesick over his sister, Tamar. He lamented to his cousin, Jonadab, that he couldn’t do anything to her because she was a virgin. Jonadab concocted a terrible plan, which Amnon carried out. Jonadab advised Amnon to feign illness and request Tamar’s presence from the king. King David did not deny his firstborn anything, so naturally Amnon’s request was granted.

Tamar, being the dutiful daughter, came to her brother’s house to prepare him a meal, which he refused to eat. Instead he told all his servants to leave and then said, “Tamar, why don’t you bring the food here to me in my bedroom? I’m too weak to eat on my own so I need your help.” Tamar brought the food into his bedroom. All of a sudden, Amnon grabbed Tamar and demanded that she join him in bed.

Aghast, Tamar refused his offer begging, “Don’t force me, my brother! Such a thing is not done in Israel. Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you, you would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king: he will not keep me from being married to you” (13:12-13, NIV.) Tamar’s plea fell on deaf ears. And because Amnon was “stronger than she”, he raped her (18:14.)

There are a few interesting things that can be pulled from Tamar’s emotional statement. When Tamar said that things like this are not done in Israel, she was speaking of the law which forbade a man to have sexual relations with his sister. (Lev. 18: 9, 11) Disgraced, she could have been either put to death for having such a relationship or considered “unmarriageable” because she was no longer a virgin. However, Tamar then said that the king would allow Amnon to marry her, which was also forbidden by law (Lev. 20:17; Deut. 27:22.) Perhaps Tamar hoped this would dissuade Amnon for the moment so she could escape or she thought David would bend the law for his children. Whatever the reason, Tamar’s statement was ignored.

Tamar’s plea cuts to the heart of any girl or woman who has been sexually assaulted. Please don’t do this to me; do not take this from me. Yet often because a man is stronger than a woman, he takes violently what is not his to take. The woman is often left alone and confused, picking up the pieces of what she thought would be a good life.

After Amnon raped his sister, he sent her out of his house and said, “Get this out of here!” Again, Tamar pled for justice on her behalf and begged, “No! Sending me away would be a greater wrong that what you have already done to me” (13:16.) Modern women recoil at this passage wondering why Tamar would want to keep the company of her rapist. However, in the Jewish culture at that time, a woman who had been raped was deemed unmarriageable. Young girls and teenagers who were victims of rape were not only robbed of their innocence but their hope of marriage as well. The Jewish law made a provision for these women—if a man raped a virgin, he was required to take the girl as his wife (Deut. 22:28-29.)

The love that Amnon felt for Tamar before the rape turned to rage after the rape so Tamar was sent away disgraced and ashamed. The Bible says that she then put ashes on her head, tore the ornamental robe that the king’s virgin daughters wore, and wailed loudly—all signs of extreme mourning. As soon as Tamar’s full brother, Absalom, came upon her, he surmised what had happened. He told her to keep quiet about the incident, which she did. She was then taken into Absalom’s house and lived “a desolate woman” (13:20.) This is the last mention of Tamar in the Bible—that she lived the rest of her days as a desolate woman.

I imagine that Tamar, being beautiful and young and the daughter of King David, had a lot of promising prospects when it came to marriage. Like many teenage girls, she may have dreamed about her Prince Charming, her marriage, her children, and her future. Yet in an instant, her dreams came crashing down around her. It is not mentioned how old Tamar was in this passage, but she was probably in her early-to-mid teens–only a teenager. Full of hope, full of promise, full of life, and then desolate.

Unfortunately, in the time Tamar lived, rape against women was not a serious offense. Sure, God had laws against it, but since women were demeaned and treated as property, rape wasn’t seen as brutal and damaging in that culture. Yet the women who endured it felt the hot shame on their cheeks. They never felt safe again, some were even scorned publicly. Since Tamar’s rape was kept a secret, many may have assumed that Tamar willingly slept with Amnon or someone else. Her ornamental robe of virginity was gone—I’m sure the rumors ran rampant.

King David somehow received word of Tamar’s rape and was enraged just like any father should be when his daughter is violated. Instead of demanding justice for Tamar, David did nothing. It was Absalom who waited patiently for two years before he killed Amnon for raping his sister. It was Absalom who eventually turned against his father and slept with David’s concubines on palace porch for all Israel to see. Not only was Tamar affected by David’s inaction, Absalom, the next in line for the throne, was as well.

The story of Tamar is horrible and hard to read; especially when one considers the real and raw emotion Tamar must have felt. Yet this story is in the Bible, not only to show the downfall of David’s household, but to teach readers something about rape, to show women who have been sexually assaulted that they are not alone in feeling shamed, unloved, and desolate. Sadly, women you know have been or will be victims of rape or sexual assault. While you may not want to take a friend or who has been a victim of sexual assault to this passage right away, it is a helpful reminder that rape did exist and was mentioned in the Bible. Here are a few things you can pull out of the story of Tamar that is universal in a women’s experience of rape.

*Tamar’s virginity and purity are compromised. Anyone who is a virgin when she is raped is still a true virgin, though she may not be one physically. True virginity is a spiritual matter. No one can take that away.

*Tamar’s pain was emotional. She showed her deep distress by putting ashes on her head and wailing loudly—both signs of deep grief. She is called “a desolate and bitter woman” in the Message Bible. Desolate may mean she never had sex again or it may mean that she simply never recovered after being raped.

While there is no time limit on grief, and a rape survivor should be allowed to express her rage, sadness, fear, and other emotions freely, God wants to heal His Child. He does not desire His daughters to be desolate physically, emotionally, or spiritually. He wants to fill the empty void, cover His daughter’s shame, and fully restore her as only He can. What man has taken away, God can restore and He so desperately longs to comfort His children. Point your friend or teen to the God who weeps with His daughters.

*Tamar’s pain was also physical. Tamar’s tearing of ornamental robes is significant, because this speaks to how her life was torn apart, but also because her vagina may have been torn and bleeding from a potentially violent rape. When a female virgin has sex for the first time often her hymen (a thin layer of tissue around the opening of a woman’s vagina) is ripped. While the hymen can be ripped for other reasons, including molestation, throughout history a woman’s virginity was determined by whether or not her hymen remained intact.

Women, especially virgins, may bleed or become sore from sex, especially violent sex. A woman who is raped may also need to make regular trips to the gynecologist, which can be terrifying. Her health may be forever affected if she received a STD, severe vaginal trauma, or other brutal treatment.

*Tamar was unmarriageable and may even have been suspected of being promiscuous. How often do we hear men say that a woman was “asking to be raped”? No means no—every time, all the time, no exceptions. After one girl in my former youth ministry was raped, she was called a “slut” by other students at school. While she may have been a bit of a flirt, she said no and was violated anyway.

Today girls who are raped do get married and lead fulfilling lives; they do not necessarily live as “desolate women.” Girls and women who are raped often feel “damaged and violated”. They feel unfit for relationships and even marriage. This is simply untrue, but girls need to work through these feelings, which can take years. Counseling is essential to achieving a semblance of emotional wholeness in a rape survivor’s life.

*Tamar wasn’t allowed to talk about the rape. Tamar was told by her brother, Absalom, “Be quiet…Don’t take this thing to heart” (18:20.) Perhaps he just didn’t want her to worry about the situation because he avenged her honor by killing Amnon, or maybe he just didn’t know how to react. While it is unknown if Tamar was ever allowed to talk about her rape to close confidants, it seems in this passage she was denied the opportunity to tell her story. She needed to tell her story and even receive support from others who may have been raped.

*Tamar was denied earthly justice. David, the king of Israel, could have punished Amnon for violating his daughter, but in refusing to do so he failed as a king and as a father. Even though Absalom killed Amnon, he may have seen Tamar’s rape as a slight against him and defended his honor, too. Survivors of rape should never be denied justice. Again and again, God refers to Himself as a God of justice, who hates injustice (Ps. 9:16, 11:17, 33:5; Is. 30:18, 61:8.)

Even though Tamar is never again mentioned in the Bible, a potential bright spark in her life can be found later in 2 Samuel. Verse 14:27 says that Absalom was the father of three sons and one daughter, who he named Tamar. Ironically, the names of Absalom’s sons are not mentioned, only his daughter, Tamar. While the passage does not say that Tamar was her niece’s namesake, I’d like to believe that. Despite all her hurt and heartache, I still want a happy ending for Tamar and perhaps it comes in the form of her beautiful little niece. While Tamar may not have lived happily ever after, she still lived, was taken care of by her brother (until his death anyway), and spent time with her nephews and niece.

Sometimes I wish every story was a fairy tale, yet far too often girlish dreams are shattered by harsh realities. Rape is like that–reaching across time, space, and culture to affect millions of women throughout history. It can happen to anyone—even to the daughter of a Powerful King who lives in a Kingdom that is not of this world. Yet that Father always wants justice for His Child and will never leave her to be a desolate woman.

***

If you’ve been a victim of sexual assault, please check out RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network.)  They have great resources. Call them at National Sexual Assault Hotline | 1.800.656.HOPE | Free. Confidential. 24/7.

Feel free to leave a comment, if you like.  However, I have found when I post about sensitive topics, sometimes readers want to share their reaction with me privately, so feel free to email me. (You can always email me.)

Sorry, James, I Just Can’t Marry You

   Last week, I got an email marriage proposal [in my spam folder] from a gentleman named “James.”  I’m afraid to email James directly because he may be a phisher who is trying to hack into my email account (Or maybe he is the South Korean who hacked into my email account and spammed all my contacts over the weekend.)  Yes, I know, I do have trust issues, but in this case, I don’t think they’re unwarranted.  Therefore, I am going to write an open letter to James so I can tell him my answer is no and make sure that he doesn’t somehow get into my bank account. Or try to delete my blog.  Again.  (Yes, I’ve been having a tumultuous time in cyberspace lately.)

An Open Letter to James

James, (I didn’t want to say “Dear James” as that might give you the wrong impression about “us.”)

Thank you for the email that you sent on the twenty-ninth of April.  I would have found your correspondence sooner, but for some reason, it was sent directly to my spam folder.  While I appreciate your offer of marriage, I cannot say “yes” for several reasons, which I will outline below.

First, I am a take-it-slow romantic kind of girl.  Therefore a quickie marriage to a guy I met over email simply doesn’t cut it for me.  Perhaps you should have asked me over dinner and a movie.  Try that on the next lady and you may yield a more positive outcome.

Second, I write for a living, so little things like grammar mean a lot to me.  If you took the time to check your atrocious spelling, consulted an online grammar site, used periods at the end of sentences, or even capitalized a few letters, I might have been a little more receptive to your marriage proposal.

Third, I believe you may be a spammer trying to hack into my email account, steal my identity, or empty my back account (good luck there, James!)  Relationships need to be built on a foundation of trust and understanding.  Because of your alleged criminal allegiances, I just cannot morally justify this sham of a proposal.  While some women really dig the whole “bad boy” image, I am not one of them.

Again, James, I appreciate your email.  Really, I do.  But as you can see, we live in two different worlds—one of good grammar, romantic notions, and identity protection and another of pathetic language art skills, marriages of convenience, and identity theft.  Therefore, James, if that’s your real name, I must say “no,” but thank you for being the only guy who has ever summoned up the courage to ask me to be his partner in holy matrimony.

Sincerely,

Amy (which may or may not be my real name)

Like me, have you ever had to refuse a proposal of marriage?  Has anyone ever asked you to marry him or her via email?  Was his name James?  Give me the deets in the comments section.

Divorce #2

I have been through two divorces—the ripping apart of one flesh back into two, the division of marital property, wedding pictures thrown into the trash bags along with the hopes and dreams ignited that day, a million tears falling on damp pillows in the darkest of nights.  Yes, I’ve been through two divorces.

The strange thing is—I’ve never been married.

The end of any marriage is a tragedy because marriages weren’t made to end.  But since the Fall of Man, nothing on this Earth follows its original design.  My mom will soon be officially divorced—twice.  I know the shame of having two failed marriages eats at her like termites slowly devouring the foundation of a house.  Sometimes a house needs to fall so its foundation can be rebuilt…and I have seen my mother’s life bottom out.  Now because of the grace and love of God and His people, she is setting a new foundation and rebuilding her life.  Go, Mom!  I am so proud of you!

However, no matter how much it hurts the people I love, I have to be honest.  I’m still reeling from living through two divorces—the first occurring when I just turned 20 and the other just a few months ago.  While I pretend I am just fine, on the inside, it’s killing me.  See, after seeing how a man can ravage a woman through unfaithfulness (my father) and major abuse (my stepfather), I do not think I ever want to open my heart to a man.  I just don’t see how I could survive it.

To cover my pain, I joke about finding “Mr. Right.” For example, the other night when there was an impromptu fire in the dumpster on my mom’s side of the apartment complex, I joked that I should yell “My hero!” and plant a kiss on one of the firemen.  Of course, I was met with uproarious laughter because despite it all, I can still make ‘em laugh.  Like a clown without face paint, I can put on a good show.  The last thing I wanted to do was go near a man, especially a good looking one in uniform.  Even though it’s true, I do have a weakness for a man who can run into a burning building when everyone else is running out.  I’ve really been taken in by the whole “damsel in distress” myth.

If I’m honest with myself (and everyone else), my heart has been hurt by men who were supposed to love me, to show me how a godly man acts, and to guide me through the roughest times in my life with fatherly wisdom.  Why, then, would I want to marry a man who has the potential to wreck havoc on my life?  To destroy me in ways I’ve seen men destroy other women, particularly my mom and my best friend?

I understand that my view is not a particularly romantic or even a realistic view of love and marriage, but it’s the only one I’ve been able to witness firsthand.  Like I said, I’ve been through two divorces…and I’ve never been married.

“Glee” to add Christian Character to Show

Amidst news of Jane Lynch’s recent marriage, “Glee” creator Ryan Murphy announced that a Christian character will be added to New Directions to help make the show more inclusive.  According to this article, the female character will, at first, have difficulty accepting Kurt’s homosexuality, but I am sure she will eventually come to accept him as a person.

I can only hope and pray that “Glee’s” token Christian will not be an embarrassing stereotype for Christians everywhere.  I also wonder how the new character will take on the more risque dance moves in show choir.  I guess we’ll just have to wait until next season to see.

What do you think about the news that “Glee” will have a Christian character?  What do you like about it?  Any worries?

Book Review:: Love and War by John & Stasi Eldredge

“And they lived happily ever after. The End”

By Donna Savaki Isn’t that the way the lovely new bride and her bridegroom prince begin and end their wonderful life together?  Just where was John and Stasi Eldredge’s new book, Love and War, when I was a blushing new bride in 1977?  No one was there to tell me, “Marriage is fabulously hard.” And it really is hard.  Very hard.  Somehow marriage meshes two wounded, imperfect people into one. Maybe that is why my first marriage ended in divorce. We did not understand the spiritual battle that was being played out in our lives and our marriage.

In Love and War John and Stasi Eldredge share  the difficulties and joys of their own  marriage of 25 years.  As I read about their God-ordained partnership, I felt as if I were sitting with the Eldredges in their cozy living room as they spoke of the great mystery unfolding in God’s plan for marriage  John and Stasi vulnerably reveal hurts, mistakes, romantic moments and loving caring so that others will benefit.

Love and War begins with material covered in previous Eldredge books (Wild At Heart, Captivating, Waking the Dead). If your heart and mind were challenged by these books, then your concept of the marriage union is now about to be enlarged and challenged.

Reading this Love and War helped me understand God’s true intentions for marriage. After being remarried over five years ago, I discovered needed perspectives on the epic battle being played out on my new marriage. I highlighted passages, read pages aloud to my husband, and called my daughter to proclaim how much I was learning from John and Stasi. If you are planning to marry, are married, or have been married, if your marriage is in a happy place or if you feel like divorce is the only answer, if you care about the marriages of your friends, if you want a God-view of marriage, then you must read Love and War. It will speak to your heart and change your perspective on marriage–this “Great Affair” into which God tells the love story of His own heart.

Donna Savaki is a retired teacher (over 30 years of teaching kindergarteners was enough).  She has one daughter, Amy, who is the head honcho of Backseat Writer.  She lives with her husband and two dogs, Katie and Clifford, in Pennsylvania.

*This was book was provided for review by WaterBrook Multnomah.*

Grab Bag Blog Tour Book Reviews:: MORE THAN A MATCH & 99 TO FIGHT WORRY AND STRESS

This week Backseat Writer is taking part in the “Grab Bag” Blog Tour sponsored by WaterBrook Multnomah.  The first book, More than a Match by Michael and Amy Smalley is from WaterBrook’s Value Non-Fiction, which offers insightful books on love, marriage, relationships and personal growth. At just $6.99, WaterBrook Press is offering readers on the most limited budgets, valuable resources to help them grow and succeed in their personal lives.

The second book, 99 Ways to Fight Worry and Stress by Elsa Kok Colopy, is part of the “99 Ways” series– practical and up-to-date ways to help families flourish despite present economic challenges, priced at just $5.99 per book. These books are not only timely, but also inexpensive enough to fit into everyone’s tightening budget.

MORE THAN A MATCH by Michael and Amy Smalley

Husband-and-wife team Michael and Amy Smalley, both certified marriage counselors, have come together to write More than a Match: The Five Keys to Compatibility for Life. This book is intended to be a multipurpose read. It is good for dating singles, dating couples, engaged and married couples. Whether you agree with all or none of it, there is a smattering of information for everyone. The book does tackle a few details in depth–online dating, dating, compatibility, communication, and sex.

The first major issue covered was online dating sites that match individuals by compatibility.  Using five of Dr. David Olsen’s twelve issues that couples need to understand and communicate the Smalley’s make the case that there is much more to a lasting marriage than mere compatibility. From their experiences they believe that spiritual beliefs, personality issues, financial management, children and parenting, and sexual expectations are among the most important issues facing couples in today’s society. The book also devotes whole chapters to individuals’ preferences, beginning and ending a relationship, conflict and sex.  The last chapter was written for celibate couples, who may not know what to expect on their first night together.

More than a Match is easy to read and filled with many, many personal stories. Both authors share openly about their personal contributions to positive and negative during their marriage. While all may not agree with the authors’ strong beliefs on marriage, relationships, dating, and sexual activities, they do offer some helpful advice to the importance of communication for couples who might have headed to the altar blinded.

Compatibility is not the only defining key to a relationship; it is also important to communicate about important relationship issues.  Once a partner has expressed his or her ideas and feelings on these issues, both partners need to decide if they can respect, work through and live with one another’s differences. Moreover, communication, respect, love, and most importantly, God, need to be included in a long-term relationship, so it can more than just a match.

Shari Transue writes for Examiner.com, Associated Content, and Miss Shari’s Story Time Blog . She’s a Keystone College graduate, holding Bachelors in Communication Arts & Humanities and Education certification. Formerly a preschool teacher, Shari loves collaborating with parents, teachers, and reading children’s literature. Contact Shari here.

99 WAYS TO FIGHT WORRY AND STRESS by Elsa Kok Colopy

By Donna Savaki, special to Backseat Writer I guess you really can’t judge a book by its cover. Or by its title.  I understand Elsa Kok Colopy’s new book, 99 Ways to Fight Worry and Stress (Waterbrook) is part of “The 99 Ways” book series, but this book stands on its own.  I wasn’t too excited when I was assigned to review this book (Not another how-to book!) so I put off reading it. But instead God handed me a special gift—one that was best to unwrap. After all, He knows what I need. I needed this book, and perhaps so may you.

The first sentence echoed the wishes of my heart, “I wish I could say I handle stress and worry with ease.”  After detailing some of the stressors in her life, Colopy continues, “I need more than oatmeal and exercise. I need tools. I need day-to-day coping-with-life tools so I don’t follow through on my temptation to move to the mountains with twenty pounds of chocolate, a few warm blankets, and an armload of romantic comedies.” I tried that and felt far away from civilization, gained 30 pounds, still was cold (it did get to -37 degrees Fahrenheit), but I did enjoy those romances! The stress increased dramatically and thirty years later, I still find it difficult to manage stress.

Colopy’s “99 Ways to Fight Worry and Stress” are suggestions are rooted in Scripture advising readers to savor friendships, rest, journal, dream, laughing, pursue interests, and find God’s truth.. Now this all sounds ordinary when I list them, but the 99 ideas are thoughtful, fanciful, practical and true and they’re easy to do—if we just slow down and actually do them! To start, just choose one of the 99 suggestions and do it. Let’s see, #15 is “Nap Often.”  Now, that I can do!  Number 50 suggest readers savor food—to slow down whole eating and relish each bite of food. Hmm, good idea.  Number 65 says beating stress is all about “Finding Humor in Movies” while #90 reminds us that “God is Bigger than Anything We Face”. So very true!

Each suggestion is followed by a paragraph or two illustrating the main concept. This book needs to be read and followed one chapter, one idea at a time. I am going to incorporate these ideas into my daily life as I seek to enjoy (rather than stress about) the life that I have chosen in following God. I loved this book and I am thankful for Elsa Kok Colopy for writing this book. Maybe this book is what you need to fight the worry and stress plaguing your life—and you can one idea at a time.

Donna Savaki is a retired teacher (over 30 years of teaching kindergarteners was enough).  She has one daughter, Amy, who is the head honcho of Backseat Writer.  She lives with her husband and two dogs, Katie and Clifford, in Pennsylvania.

(Both of these books were provided for review by WaterBrook Multnomah.)

JOSH ROSENTHAL’s Villages Suite Continues with EVEN THE STRONGEST HERO

Singer/songwriter Josh Rosenthal has undertaken a gargantuan task by releasing a series of four albums in four months.  The project, simply known as the Villages Suite, speaks of how people live together in community and relate to one another.  The first of the four albums, Overture, introduces listeners to the substance of the next three albums. Overture and Even the Strongest Hero are now available on iTunes. (Read Q&A with Josh about Overture). If you prefer a hard copy of the album, you can purchase Even the Strongest Hero at the Josh Rosenthal online store.

Released September 15, Even the Strongest Hero, the second album in Josh Rosenthal’s Villages Suites is a solo acoustic album that debunks the lone wolf mentality of our culture—people were not meant to be alone.  Using the force of his voice and a guitar, Rosenthal stresses, “Solo acoustic albums always force the imagination to add other instruments and other people to the song.  While acoustic albums are good, the listener would always benefit from more–while living life alone, we benefit from being surrounded by more people.” (Read more about Rosenthal’s motivation at his blog).

Recorded at Jeff Pardo’s studio, The Track Shack, in Nashville, the album is a compilation of four original songs and a cover of Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You.”  The tone of Even the Strongest Hero is melancholy, yet reflective.  Songs like “Change” and “Alone” are unabashedly naked in their universal truths about humankind’s tendency towards doubt and unbelief.

According to Rosenthal, “Alone.” which was co-written with Sparrow Recording artist Josh Wilson, is the song that best describes the message of the Villages Suite. “Even the strongest hero can’t deny what everybody knows, we weren’t meant to be alone.  Our culture loves the self made man.  But the iconic self made man leads an unsustainable life.  There comes a point where everybody needs somebody for emotional/financial/spiritual stability.  Bottom line – no matter what our culture communicates, we can’t deny that we were made to be dependent,” says Rosenthal.

“Change” tackles the topic of shame and how we are all covered in it, despite our freedom in God through our identity with Christ.  Rosenthal elaborates, “If guilt tells us we’ve done something wrong, shame tells us we ARE something wrong. No matter how successful I become, I will always struggle with an enemy that tells me I am an insufficient failure who should give up.”

Other songs on the album include “Inside Asleep” and “Better Man,” which talk about trusting in the love of Jesus during the storms of life and the love shown to Rosenthal by his wife. “I married a woman who is so patient with me.  She doesn’t condescend me.  She doesn’t treat me like women treat their husbands on TV; you know, like the ‘King of Queens’.  That woman treats her husband like he’s another child, not like he’s her husband.  My wife is extremely forgiving.  This song honors my wife’s love for me while admitting my inability to be right (shame),” shares a thoughtful Rosenthal.

When responding to my hurried e-mail, Josh added this as a personal note to my comments, “I hope the Villages Suite fits into a lot of people’s stories of healing.” It has certainly fit into mine.

And the story continues with Lonely Together, a full band album, releasing October 13, which will be available on iTunes and through Rosenthal’s site.  Stay tuned for coverage of Part 3 of the Villages Suite.

Take 5 with Josh Wilson

There are two things I’ve heard consistently about Sparrow Recording artist Josh Wilson—he’s a nice guy and an excellent guitar player.  Upon further discovery, I have also learned that Josh Wilson is a great lyricist, an exceptional producer, and a man with a heart that beats for God.  I’m a big Josh Wilson fan, which is why I am so excited about the release of his sophomore album, Life Is Not A Snapshot.  The seven-track album features Josh Wilson’s highly acclaimed (“Keaggy-esque) instrumental version of “Amazing Grace,” a love song for his new wife, and songs of encouragement for Christians like “Before the Morning” and “Right In Front of Me.”  Life Is Not A Snapshot is a potent little album that delivers lyrically, instrumentally, vocally, and spiritually. Despite just returning from his honeymoon and prepping for his album release, Josh was kind enough to “Take 5” with Backseat Writer.

Life Is Not A Snapshot feels like a very personal album.  What would you say is the over-arching theme of the recording?

If I had to sum up the album in one word, that word would be “hope.”  As Christians, we live our daily lives knowing that whatever we are currently facing, there is infinite joy and peace that waits for us when we finally see the face of Jesus.  Thematically, the songs on the album range quite a bit.  There’s a song of praise (“Sing”), a song about doubt (“Right In Front of Me”), and even a love song (“How to Fall”).  The title simply means that sometimes the individual snapshots in our lives don’t look exactly like the bigger picture.

My favorite song on the album is “Before the Morning” or maybe “Right In Front of Me.”  It’s hard to pick a favorite because they’re all so good.  Anyway, tell me about “Before the Morning” (and “Right In Front of Me”).

“Before the Morning” was inspired by my friends Tim and Paula Beal and their son Jayken.  A few months before Jayken’s due date, the Beals went to the doctor to find out if their baby was going to be a boy or girl.  During the sonogram, the doctor discovered that Jayken’s heart and kidneys were not fully functioning, and he said Jayken had a 2% chance of living longer than four days past his birth.  The doctor said their only option was abortion.  Tim and Paul went home and prayed and fasted, asking the Lord what they should do.  They decided to go ahead and have the baby, and by the grace of God, Jayken is now 7 years old.  He has had multiple heart surgeries and numerous complications, but his life has been a beautiful picture of God’s grace.  The song says that the pain we feel is “just the dark before the morning,” and reminds us, “the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18).

“Right In Front Of Me” is about my struggles with doubt.  I had a particularly hard time during college, when everything I had ever learned about God was being challenged.  I did a lot of searching, reading, and praying.  God was and is faithful to reveal Himself to those who seek Him, but sometimes it does take a lot of seeking.  The main idea of this song is from Romans 1:20, where Paul writes that God’s existence and power are made evident by what He has created.

Every girl who listens to your album is going to swoon over “How to Fall.” Does the song have anything to do with your August marriage?

Absolutely.  This song is the story of how I met Becca, who is now my wife.  I actually wrote this song before I proposed, and it was a very honest and real-time description of what was happening.  The chorus says “I don’t know how to say it / Don’t know how you’ll take it / Don’t know how to fall in love / But I want to learn with you.”  Our wedding was August 8, and we love every minute of being married.

What was one of the most challenging songs on the album for you to write? (And why?)

“Do You Want to Know” was a very hard song to write because it challenges my comfortable American life.  The song poses the question: If you could really see the world how God sees it, would you want to?  Last summer I went on a short-term mission trip to Belize and witnessed first hand what poverty looks like.  We all see commercials on TV that talk about “feeding the children,” but it’s different when the hungry children are standing right in front of you.  You can’t change the channel.  These kids receive a little food from the school they attend, but they go home everyday to parents who can’t afford to feed them.  If we see the world the way God sees it, one of two things is going to happen.  We’re both going to do something about those who are hungry and hurting, or we’re going to lose sleep because something deep in our spirit tells us that we as Christians are the ones responsible for helping.

On the album cover for Life Is Not A Snapshot, you’re running over a chair.  Can you really do this?  If so, what other amazing bodily stunts can you perform? (And will you consider adding a stunt show to your next tour?)

Actually, yes, I did run over that chair about 8 times.  We didn’t really know it was going to be the album cover, but the photographer thought it would make a cool shot.  He showed me what he wanted me to do, and after a couple tries I finally got it.  As far as other bodily stunts, I can actually wiggle both of my ears at one time.  No lie.  Ask me next time I see you and I’ll show you.

For more information on Josh Wilson, check him on online at joshwilsononline.com.  Also, check Josh’s MySpace for Tuesday blog updates.  Just so you can be sure to get all pertinent Josh Wilson news, be sure to friend him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.  Oh, and if you see him in concert, take him a block of cheese and ask him to wiggle his ears for you! Plus, read my interview with Josh about his last album, Trying to Fit the Ocean In a Cup.

Free Jeep…But There’s a Catch

Actual jeep from ksl.com

…and that catch is you!  If you’re a single breathing male, then let’s hook up.  OK, that’s not quite how 38 year-old Kelly O’very worded her classified ad in a local paper.  Tired of the dating scene, this Salt Lake City woman placed an ad in the “For Barter or Trade” section reading, “Free Jeep with Wedding Ring…Let’s Get Hitched!”  So far, O’very has received over 300 replies (full story).  I guess there are a lot of men in Salt Lake City looking for a Jeep with lifelong commitment.

Since O’very is an outdoorsy, adventuresome gal, she thought maybe she could attract a guy who wouldn’t just love her for her Jeep, but also share her love of four-wheeling.  So far, there’s no word on whether or not O’very found the Jeep-lover of her dreams, but it begs the question–is that Jeep paid off or what?

Anyway, I have a red Chevy Tracker and if any guy wants to marry me, he can totally take it for oil changes,

This is my actual vehicle, which I'm not ready to trade for a spouse.

lube jobs, fill it with gasoline, and wash it!  For me, it’s more like, get me and you get my fine automobile, too (plus a couple of cute dogs, a bird, and a kickin’ book and CD collection).  Then again, I’m not ready to share all my goodies with a future mister, not yet.

I also read a story about a man who went on a whopping three dates a day until he found the right woman (full story).  According to the article, men “cast their nets wide” figuring if they meet more woman, then they have better chances of meeting “The One.”  Meanwhile, my theory is that women find a man attractive and hope he is “The One.”  I’m not sure about that; it’s only a theory based on my former crushes.

But this whole thing has me wondering–is not getting married *that* bad?  Can people be single–alone without being lonely?  People say singleness is a gift, yet it’s treated like a bad gift, as deplorable as fruitcake at Christmas.  But after talking to married woman in my Bible study, I realize they have given up their freedom.  They have to “check” with their husbands before they do anything and are expected to perform wifely duties.  Then there’s that touchy issue of biblical submission in marriage.  To be unhitched is to run freely though the fields of life, unencumbered by commitment to a man, and solely committed to God.

I’m not putting down marriage or even saying I don’t want to get married…some day.  I’m merely saying being single isn’t all that bad. Plus, no one tries to steal the covers from me in bed and I don’t have to share my closet. Or my car.

Jon & Kate:: What about the Plus Eight?

Take it from a kid whose parents split up—it’s not something you want the world to see.  People are generally at their worse when dividing up 23 years of marriage between alimony, possessions, and accusations.  I should know; I’m a child of divorce, which is why this whole Jon and Kate Gosselin thing is out of control.  Fine, if two reality TV stars want to duke it out in the court of public opinion–let ‘em.  The problem is these “stars” are famous for being parents of multiples.  They are famous for being parents–whose feuding directly involves eight precious lives.

I am concerned for the kids that know Jon and Kate as “Mommy” and “Daddy.”  They are old enough to know that something doesn’t seem right.  However, as they grow older they will be able to access footage of their early lives, including the time when Mommy and Daddy “lived apart for a while.”  Time will tell if the separation will be permanent.

Even at its current state, the show is dangerously turning into something that is better kept private.  And not just for the sake of the children (which is a major concern), but also for the decency of the viewing public.  I don’t want to see sex scenes in primetime and I don’t want to see families being torn apart on cable.  I suppose I could just change the channel.  It’s just sad when you can’t watch “The Learning Channel,” you know what I mean?

Apparently, a new episode of the reality series will be broadcast on TLC this Monday at 9 PM revealing a SHOCKING announcement from the Gosselins (see ad here).  If it was anything like the Jon-and-Kate-reunite-after-allegations-of-marital-unfaithfulness episode, 10 million or more viewers will tune in to witness the ongoing drama.  Many of these viewers have watched the show since the six youngest kids were infants and are genuinely concerned about the Gosselin household.  Dear saints are praying for the healing of Jon and Kate’s marriage and for wholeness in this family.

Whatever Monday night brings—and we will be shocked—TLC has assured viewers that it’s a game changer.  Will the show be cancelled?  Will the show be “Kate Plus Eight”?  How has all this affected book sales and ratings?  Can Jon and Kate beat the odds?  For the sake of those children, they better get their acts together.  Enough of this celebrity parent stuff!  Stop writing books, whining about your hair, instructing your nannies, hanging out on beaches in skimpy bikinis, going to night clubs with young single ladies, and for crying out loud, THROW THE CAMERA CREW OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND RAISE YOUR CHILDREN!

When Jon and Kate signed up for this reality show gig, they said they did it for the good of their children.  They claim they couldn’t have afforded the “good life” for their kids without making this “sacrifice.”  I wonder if their kids would trade in the good life if only Mommy and Daddy would get back together.  Some things are far too precious to sacrifice.