Those out you who have blogs of your own know the joy of getting comments on your posts. When an e-mail arrives notifying you that you have a comment to moderate, your little heart leaps with joy. Gleefully, you open the e-mail only to discover that the “comment” is really an advertisement for steroids or Viagra or something. With a sigh, you delete the comment. It’s OK because an hour later you receive another comment notification. Slightly less dapper than before, but happy nonetheless, you read that latest “comment”, which is a horrible rant filled with insults, cuss words, and bad grammar. You delete it quickly, irritated that the return e-mail address is a fake (firstname.lastname@example.org). Finally, you get some real comments from friends who love you or interesting folks who randomly stumbled upon your site or even from people who respectfully disagree.
However, a recent experience with mean and dumb comments all of which have been deleted has led me to write this latest edition in my ongoing series, “Stop Being a Jerk.”
1. You are a jerk if you leave mean comments on blogs for no other reason that to be nasty. Seriously, why waste your time telling me I’m a fat loser? Or that I must be an idiot to be a Christian? Are you really that bored with your life that you have to send me unpleasant messages? Plus, you don’t even offer up a real e-mail address, so apparently you’re too ashamed to even stand by your statements. I would be, too. For the most part, your grammar is terrible and your writing is appalling. But, then again, you’re probably 12, right?
2. Leaving spam comments is evidence of jerk behavior. Look, if I need performance enhancing drugs (which would be odd since I’m a girl), I’ll go to my family doctor and get a prescription. I don’t need to go to some weird site to order who knows what from you. I am fairly certain that what you’re doing is illegal, and probably some sort of internet scam so that you can get my personal information to rip me off. It’s not nice to steal people’s credit card numbers!
3. I’m sure you have a great site, but when you just post here to promote your site…well, that’s sort of rude. By all means put your web address in the comment box so that readers can click on your name and check out your site. I love doing that! However, when you just leave a comment to post an irrelevant link–that’s a bit jerk-like.
4. I speak English, as do most of the people reading this site. Posting a comment in another language such as Japanese or Spanish or French isn’t acceptable. I ran a few of your comments through a translator and they were fairly vulgar! I know it’s funny to leave dirty comments on the blogs of ignorant Americans because we’re too stupid to check out what you’re saying. Guess what? We’re not as ignorant or stupid as you think, so knock it off. Post in broken English or translate your post so we can all read it. Otherwise, I’m going to assume you’re being rude and hit delete.
5. No, I do not want to go out with you, have sex with you, or do dirty things with you. I’m not sure if I should thank you for the interest or slap you in the face. If you want to go out with me, make an effort to get to know me, woo me, appreciate me, and then we’ll talk. But if you’re not in a love relationship with God, I’m sorry, but our relationship won’t go past dinner and friendship. (Read more about this topic here).
6. I am not Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus or Billy Ray Cyrus and I don’t have a mullet. I also don’t know any of these people, and if I did, I wouldn’t give you their AIM screen names, cell phone numbers, or e-mail addresses. If you want to contact Miley, please go to her official website. You can feel free to share your thoughts on Hannah Montana (who isn’t a real person, by the way) or Miley Cyrus or even her dad or his 90′s mullet, please do this. Comments directed to Miley will continue to be deleted, and please stop asking me for her contact info. It gets old…fast.
7. Fred Weasley is NOT dead (in my world). If you leave a comment saying he is, you’re mean and misguided. I mean, you can be mean or misguided…but both…that’s just wrong.
To avoid possible confusion (and add to the to the humor) on this topic, I am including some examples of acceptable and unacceptable comments:
Acceptable: “Amy, you are the coolest person ever!” Unacceptable: “Miley Cyrus, you are the coolest person ever!”
Acceptable: “I think that this is an important topic…blah blah blah…smart sounding stuff.” Unacceptable: “U suck butt.”
Acceptable: “Fred’s not dead and I have proof…LINK” Unacceptable: “Fred’s dead…hahahahaha!”
Acceptable: “Thanks for being so open about this.” Unacceptable: “You’re fat and ugly and you’re never gonna get any.” (Any what? Dragon eggs?)
Acceptable: “I don’t agree. I think Obama is really cute.” Unacceptable :”You’re so stupid. How could you like anyone but Obama, you ignorant twit?”
I think you get the picture. No one likes a jerk, especially one who posts unpleasant blog comments. I’m sure I’ll get a plethora of jerky blog comments just for posting a rant against you baddies, but really I don’t want that. I just want you to stop being a jerk.
Read other “Jerk” editions:
Stop Being a Jerk
Stop Being a Jerk, Part 2
Stop Being a Jerk (Internet Edition)
Stop Being a Jerk (Scammer Edition)
Stop Being a Jerk: Soccer Mom Edition coming soon!