Since Holley Gerth writes for DaySpringcards (and co-founded (in)courage) it seems cliché to say that her book, You’re Already Amazing, is like receiving an unexpected greeting card saturated with wisdom and thoughtfulness only a dear friend could write. But that’s exactly what reading You’re Already Amazing is like! Gerth engaged me with her girlfriend language, stunning insights into the heart of God, and helpful exercises that encouraged me to learn more about who I am and what I mean to my Creator.
What I appreciated most about You’re Already Amazing were the exercises that Gerth, also a trained counselor, included at the end of each chapter. Instead of just telling me how great I am because I was created by God and proving her point with Scripture, Gerth’s tools helped me discover my strengths (and weaknesses) and how I can best use them for the glory of God! Not only am I already amazing, I am also already uniquely gifted! It’s nice to get a pep talk, but even better to take that encouraging energy to the next level—to actually live it out.
In some ways this book is similar to Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, but Holley Gerth’s work is more reader-friendly, and her charm is enticing, page-turning, and life-changing. This is a book for the weak and the strong, the lost and the found, the hopeless and the hopeful. Really, You’re Already Amazing is a book for every woman in every walk, on every journey to discover who she is, what she was created to be, and how she is desperately loved by her Father. Stop striving to be “enough” and discover how amazing you really are to the One who loves you more than you can fathom.
*Thanks to Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group, for providing me a review copy of this book.*
Sunday. For the past 7 years, it has been the day I perused the newspaper ads, the afternoon I went shopping or ran errands, the evening I feared what the week could hold. But it was NOT the day of the week I attended church, though for 24 years of my life, that’s exactly what I did. Every. Single. Sunday. (And many other days/nights of the week as well.)
In the fall of 2004, after moving out of my hometown, I just stopped. Devastation, brokenness, heartache, and a long string of failures followed after me as I tried to live a life apart from God, apart from the Church.
I could never really get away, as friends, near and far kept in contact with me—at times, saving my spiritual and physical life with a phone call, a card, or even a trip to Friday Harbor, Washington (thank you Bill & Shannon, you saved my life.) I thought that BFF Sarah was my only constant in ever-changing circumstances. But, no, God was with us both—guiding, directing, wooing His daughters.
Earthly fathers fail. Mothers turn their backs. Dreams get broken. Hearts are crushed. How could God let this happen? God, how could You let this happen to me? It was my angry prayer as I shoved Him away. He “deserved” my rage, my bitterness, my hatred. I shook my fists, and still He calmed me when I let Him near.
It became a game—I’d let myself get so close to God, but then I’d run away, like a scared puppy trying to find its home. The puppy wants to trust the kind stranger who can offer safety and security, yet she runs close and dashes away, comes closer and dashes further out of reach. I thought, God, You cannot reach me. You cannot have me. You’ve ruined my life and I will not let it happen again. I know You’re God, the Lord of Heaven and earth, I just can’t surrender my life, my all to You…what will You ask of me? What will you take from me? How will I survive it?
In September, I started to come apart—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. A tangled mess of humanity, I sought healing in all these areas. Strangely enough, these intertwined issues led me to discover my spiritual crisis—I had no idea who I was [in God]! My spiritual sickness trumped all my other issues (though admittedly, they were painful and horrible as well). My hope was scant, but I know what God can do with just a tidbit of faith. So it continues to this day. He continues to breathe life into dead areas of my life, heal infected, pussy wounds…for He makes everything new! (And one day He will make ALL things new.) Most of all, He makes beauty from ashen dreams and builds on the ruins of our broken lives.
God has given me a new beauty for a handful of ashes, and has shown me that ruins are truly redeemed through His power.
Tomorrow, Sunday, March 4, is a culmination of the past four months—the search for a church, being found by Bethany Church, and belonging to a loving congregation that empowers women! After how I’ve hated the “church,” been spiritually abused in the past by church leaders, and experienced panic attacks when I set foot in a church, I can’t believe that I am once again becoming a member of an actual, physical church tomorrow!
I am so excited I can barely contain myself! I am jumping around my apartment, singing loudly, smiling from ear-to-ear, and ready to explode with joy. I’m not sure that anyone can really understand what choosing to become a member of Bethany United Methodist Church means to me.
Lyrics from Bebo Norman’s song, “Ruins,” keep flitting through my head:
“This is my holy hour, This is my world on fire This is my desperate play, This is where I am made This is my kingdom come, This is my freedom song This is my helpless state, This is where I am saved
Let my ruins become the ground you build upon Let my ruins become the start Let my ruins become the ground you build it on From what’s left of my broken heart”
I’ve quoted “Ruins” before, but only the chorus. Right now, my focus is on the pre-chorus (though the chorus is too lovely and meaningful to leave out!) If I burst out in song during our reception into the church (not likely to happen), you will understand why. (See YouTube video with lyrics below. It was made by some random Bebo-lovin’ person out there in the world!)
So this Sunday is no ordinary Sunday, at least for me. I’ve found a home and the people in my home are giving me an official welcome—dorky name tag and all—thank you, God, for my temporary place amongst Your people, in Your Church (and church!)
According to Wikipedia—a fount of knowledge on all things Leap Day/Sadie Hawkins—the practice of woman asking men to MARRY them was allowed once every four years on Leap Day. Though often attested to Birgid’s major crush on St. Patrick (and really, who wouldn’t be beguiled with the man who drove the snakes out of Ireland?), the Leap Day major proposals appear to have started in the 19th Century, not in the 5th Century with Birgid and Patrick.
Leap Day marriage proposals by women have been allowed across cultures—and if a man refuses a lovely bachelorette, he was required to buy her a gift to soften the blow. “In Denmark, the tradition is that women may propose on the bissextile leap year day, February 24, and that refusal must be compensated with 12 pairs of gloves. In Finland, the tradition is that if a man refuses a woman’s proposal on leap year day, he should buy her the fabrics for a skirt,” says Wikipedia.
So, just who is Sadie Hawkins and how does she figure into all this? It all started back in the 1930’s with a hillbilly comic strip called “Li’l Abner.” The town’s most eligible spinster, Sadie Hawkins, couldn’t find a suitor so her father created an event in which Sadie could “catch” a husband. No, seriously, she’d catch him.
Click on comic to see FULL SIZE!
From Wikipedia:
“When ah fires [my gun], all o’ yo’ kin start a-runnin! When ah fires agin—after givin’ yo’ a fair start—Sadie starts a runnin’. Th’ one she ketches’ll be her husbin.” The town spinsters decided that this was such a good idea, they made Sadie Hawkins Day a mandatory yearly event, much to the chagrin of Dogpatch bachelors. In the satirical spirit that drove the strip, many sequences revolved around the dreaded Sadie Hawkins Day race. If a woman caught a bachelor and dragged him, kicking and screaming, across the finish line before sundown—by law he had to marry her!
This inspired the real world “Sadie Hawkins Dance,” where girls ask guys to be their dates to a wonderful dance. No doubt these are women who are still reeling from Valentine’s Day singleness, which makes the placement of the day—exactly two weeks and one day after the lover’s holiday—so sweet.
The Sadie Hawkins’ Dance also inspired the hilarious song “Sadie Hawkins Dance” by Relient K. There are several fan-made music videos for the song, but this one is my favorite (I like the Rock Band instruments)…
So happy Sadie Hawkins Day, everyone! If you don’t have a date to the Sadie Hawkins Dance, you could always take advantage of 29% off sales at the retailer of your choice (as if a sale that pitiful inspires would-be bargain hunters.)
We have more excuses than ever not to send cards for birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions: The price of stamps just increased. Again. Cards aren’t eco-friendly (even though they can be recycled and are often made out of recycled materials). And, of course, there just isn’t enough time to buy a card, address it, and pop it in a mail box. Besides, e-card are often free…and nothing says, “I love you, Mom” like canned music and a mouse jumping out of a birthday cake.
In our tech savvy society, do conventional cards really make a difference? That was the question I sought to answer with my brand new DaySpring cards—the Hope & Encouragement by (in)courage’s Holly Gerth My test subjects? The ladies in the Monday night Bible study that I lead.
First, I needed a control card to ensure that each member of my Bible study received a card that is equal in value and appearance. I chose “Thank You For What You Do” from Holley Gerth’s collection. What better want to tell the ladies in my flock how much I care about each and every one of them and thank them for the support they offer me weekly, as their fearless shepherdess. As I addressed each card, I asked God to help me write a pithy message to each lady. Despite using the same card, I didn’t want to express exactly the same sentiment to the varying personalities present at Monday night Bible study.
Second, I wanted to give my Bible study a chance to spread the blessing to others. I went through all my DaySpring cards, picked out about 12 (admittedly, it’s hard to part with any of my beautiful cards, but I was on a woman on a mission!), and placed them on the table at Bible study telling the ladies to pick a card or two to send (or give) to someone else.
After receiving their personalized cards from me, the ladies were more than delighted to choose cards for their own use. I overheard comments like, “Wow, these are really nice cards!” “Amy, did you buy all these cards for us?” “They sell DaySpring cards at the local Bible bookstore!” Most of all, they were excited that cards geared towards Christian women were relevant, beautiful, and affordable! Someone remarked that the cards were great for anyone—Christian or not!
One lady asked us to help her find a card that would be appropriate to encourage a friend whose mother just died. Another wanted to use her card to uplift a co-worker who is going through an incredibly rough time. A few ladies picked out cards and didn’t disclose how they would be used…yet. Since one member of our group was unable to attend our “card shower,” we decided to sign and send her a card to let her know that we love her and she was missed! Naturally, the choice of card was a group decision!
{This card, featuring a crown and a bookmark, was my favorite. Oh, how I need to remember these words!}
While my experiment was wholly unscientific, I can safely say that greeting cards are still relevant. There’s something about the tactile sensation of opening a card, especially when unexpected, knowing that the sender thought of you! I like to save my cards and read the messages again and again—a reminder that people do love me when I feel unloved and unlovely or celebrated when I feel defeated. Will a card change the world? Probably not. But it can make someone’s day, and I’m grateful that DaySpring cards gave me the opportunity to bless others, who in turn, will use DaySpring cards to bless even more.
Yes, friends, cards really do make a difference. Get a book of forever stamps, make a list of people who could use a beautiful card, and head over to the DaySpring Online Store to nab a few cards of your own. And, ladies, check out (in)courage for uniquely feminine musings as well as the fabulous(in)spired deals to get cute cards like mine!
Win a $20 code to use at DaySpring’s Online Store!
And I’m going to make it even easier for you to bless others with DaySpring cards, simply enter my giveaway to win a $20 coupon code to DaySpring’s online store,which offers a bounty of cards as well as other inspirational products. To enter, simply fill out THE FORM. For an extra entry, leave a comment about how a card cheered up your day OR how you used a card to bless someone else. The giveaway will end at 11:59 PM EST on January 31, so get entering.
*If you really want to win, then head on over to my friend’s blog, Shari’s Sentiments, for another chance to win a $20 gift code. Imagine if you win both of our giveaways…$40 can bring a lot of cheer!
*To my dearest FTC, I selected and was provided with theHolley Gerth Hope & Encouragement Packfrom DaySpring, free of charge for review. These opinions are my own and do not reflect those of Dayspring in any way.* (P.S. I totally copy/pasted this disclosure from Shari’s blog.)
Note from Amy: While I’m working on my DaySpring review, editing a post that will appear later this week, and gathering material for Friday Faves, I hope you enjoy this article by my friend, Christa Banister, about Kari Jobe. Kari is an incredibly talented artist whose dynamic voice really packs a punch. And I should note that Christa, who has contributed to BSW before, did not write this article exclusively for BSW!
Kari Jobe: Where I Find You
By Christa Banister After being established as one of the industry’s premier worship leaders with her Dove Award-winning, self-titled debut, Kari Jobecontinues to serve as a worship pastor at Gateway Church in Southlake, Texas, and will release her highly anticipated follow-up album, Where I Find You (Sparrow) on January 24, 2012.
Produced by Ed Cash (Chris Tomlin, Chris August) and Matt Bronleewe (Natalie Imbruglia, Josh Wilson), Where I Find You, which includes Kari’s new hit radio single “We Are,”is an engaging departure from her previous effort—both sonically and thematically speaking.
Rather than simply emphasizing the beauty found in God’s presence, Where I Find You is a clarion call for listeners to experience His presence to the fullest. And not surprisingly, the accompanying soundtrack is just as bold with a buoyant mix of fresh musical textures and timbres.
“After singing about the importance of making time for intimate worship on my first album, I wanted to take the next step on Where I Find You,” Kari shares. “These songs come from such a honest place of praising God for what He’s done—and what He’s continuing to do in our lives—because of His grace and goodness.
“Ultimately, it’s about declaring who He is and enjoying the simplicity of knowing the Lord is near,” she continues. “He’s for us, He loves us, and sometimes, we need to just stop, enjoy His presence and take that in.”
While recording the album, Kari says she was often reminded of that very truth—a theme that resonates through the lyrics of “Here,” a reminder to press pause, even when our culture insists we constantly keep moving.
“There were many instances when we had to stop whatever we were working on because I needed to go outside, take a walk and have my own time with God for a few minutes,” Kari remembers. “Again and again, I was so overtaken by how present He was while we were recording, and it’s my hope and desire that people really feel the strength and intercession that was taking place while I worked on the album.”
Another decidedly counter-cultural idea that resonates in these new songs is how God never lets believers, including worship leaders, get too comfortable in their faith or permanently reside on the proverbial spiritual mountaintop.
“This past year has been the season of being completely uncomfortable and going through things I didn’t understand that were really hard,” Kari shares. “I was literally having to hold on in my heart and trust He had everything in control. You can even hear that a little in my vocals, especially on songs like ‘Love Came Down,’ ‘Run To You,’ and ‘What Love Is This.’ It was a season that stretched me.”
Even through all the growing pains, however, Kari says she was continually reminded of God’s faithfulness.
“I think there are times as believers when we feel entitled and that life shouldn’t be hard. We live in this culture of convenience that says we can do everything ourselves and find all the answers on Google,” Kari says. “But if we can learn to fall more in love with the Lord and trust Him in the middle of every storm, we build our endurance to keep running the race.”
Naturally, these declarations of God’s faithfulness couldn’t help but make their way onto her album.
“‘We Are’ is a song of commission for us as believers,” says Kari, “to be reminded of what we’ve been called to, and that is to impact people’s lives in everything we do.”
In the track “One Desire,” which she co-wrote with Jason Ingram, Kari uses simple, heartfelt language that reminds her of one of her favorite worship anthems when she was young.
“During our writing session, Jason and I were talking about the simplicity of worship; how it doesn’t always have to be so ornate,” she explains. “When I was a kid, I remember how much I loved singing the song ‘I Love You, Lord’ because it was this sweet, simple song straight from Scripture.”
In stark contrast to the straightforward worship of “One Desire,” another key track, the aforementioned “What Love is This,” features powerful imagery of the Centurion soldier’s reaction to discovering that Jesus was the Son of God after He’d been crucified.
“I often think about what it would’ve been like to experience that and to say ‘Truly, you are the son of God,’” Kari shares. “You realize you were part of His death, you were the one of the people who’d nailed Him to a cross. He must have felt so incredibly broken—to believe the lie and then experience the truth. I really think that’s like all of us. We’ve got to have the perspective that without the Lord’s presence, we’re all in darkness, and ‘What Love Is This’ is my love song to the Lord for His love song for my life.”
Also serving as a grounding force for Kari when life gets complicated is her tight-knit Texas family. Although she turned 30 this past year, she still considers being a daughter one of “life’s greatest blessings.”
What’s also been a blessing is a new dimension to her ministry. In addition to ministering in churches, arenas, theaters, festivals and conferences across the globe, Kari has also found another outlet for sharing God’s love in partnering with the A21 Campaign, an organization dedicated to abolishing human trafficking in the 21st century.
“I’ve become really invested in that ministry and strongly believe that we all have to play a role and do our part to fight against the modern form of slavery that affects 27 million people and growing,” Kari says. “It’s so incredibly dark, and I feel a responsibility to do what I can. Most of these victims are girls like me, and I can’t imagine what life would be like to be stuck in that place.”
Along with her sister, Kris, Kari has created an exclusive line of jewelry and t-shirts where all the proceeds go to the cause of bringing an end to human trafficking and injustice.
“Whether I’m participating in an effort like this or leading worship, it’s all about making a difference,” Kari concludes. “That’s the reason I’m doing what I’m doing at this specific moment—to see God’s name lifted high, to encourage the hurt and the broken and to remind everyone to draw close to Him because He really, truly does care about each and every one of His children.”
And that’s ultimately the message behind Where I Find You, enjoying the beauty of God’s presence, praising him with your whole heart and letting your light shine in a world that needs to experience the true grace and hope found only in Jesus.
For more information on Kari Jobe and her ministry, please visit www.karijobe.com.
I like to tell people that I have a Master’s degree in counseling. When I’m with Christians, I like to add that my degree is in “biblical counseling” from a seminary. All this makes me feel terribly important, like I’m super smart and super spiritual…also that I once did something with my life. As I’ve mentioned before, that counseling degree is sitting at the bottom of a storage bin somewhere in my closet. I don’t use it vocationally and I sometimes wonder why I got it at all. I realize that the things I learned in seminary (you know, like humility) do matter and that I don’t need to wear my “I have a Master’s degree” pin all the time. Or at all. One day I hope it’ll sink in.
This week Shari and I started taking a Sunday school class required for Congregational Care at our church. Caring for the congregation?! I love caring for people! I’m awesome at crying! This will be great, I thought. For the most part, the Congregational Care Team visits sick people and shut-ins. My fear of the hospital, hypochondria, and fear of doctors, doesn’t make visiting the ill at all appealing. And shut-ins? I feel empathy for shut-ins. I really do. But the elderly, especially lonely elderly people, make me very weepy (told you I was awesome at crying) as I remember my grandparents. Instead of launching happy hormones, I go home and cry.
But I love caring for people and I’m awesome at crying?!
I *AM* awesome at crying, but do I really love caring for people?! When my mom had her hip replacement, I was panicked for a month ahead of time. What if I had to clean up pee? Or puke? What if she fell? I was in a tizzy!
I really like babies, but not their diapers. I mean, I’m not sure how to change a diaper (I have the basic principle down, just not a lot of practical experience) and the thought of changing a diaper makes me dry heave. I am even disgusted by little kids with snotty noses. (Those of you who are wondering why I don’t have kids now understand.)
Besides crying, I’m really good at talking, too. I’m probably even better at conversing than crying. BFF Sarah says that I can talk to anyone anywhere about anything. I suspect she thinks it’s my superpower. A simple window transaction at the bank leads to a conversation about the teller’s engagement ring (and the story of the proposal. I’m such a suck for romance) or a long line is an opportunity to talk to lady behind me about her amazing purse. (Admittedly, I am a bit shyer around guys, especially ones my age…who are single. I get all tongue-tied and speak like a woman with verbal Tourette’s. Those of you who are wondering why I’m not married now understand.)
I also like to laugh. And smile. Depression sometimes sucks those attributes out of my life, but they’re important (Choose joy!!!). One of my favorite quotes from Elf is when Buddy says, “I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite.”
So I’m good at smiling, crying, and talking. I can do all three at the same time actually. But where does my spiritual giftedness lie within these personality traits?
My little flock tells me I’m a good Bible study leader and I do love teaching about the Bible and God.
Deep within me, I fear that teaching and perhaps leadership (or shepherding) are my strongest spiritual gifts. I’m not sure how a woman can use those gifts in the Church today. I’ve been told (even by pastors) that I talk too much and try to take over when there’s no defined leadership (OK, I’ve been told that I try to take over, but I think it’s when there’s a lack of leadership). I don’t want to believe the lies that women don’t make good teachers or leaders. But I’m also not going to head up MOPS (lack of mothering and a pre-schooler), a bake sale, or speak at Women of Faith (for these reasons)…so what am I to do? I’m asking God where my gifts would be best used.
I thought by the time I turned 31 I’d have it all figured out, which is funny because I totally thought I had everything figured out when I was 23 (until I realized I was terribly wrong). Still, at 31, I didn’t think I would still wrestle with that age-old question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
My answer: Whatever you want me to be, Abba. My life is Yours.
What are your spiritual gifts? What do you do when you realize what gives you joy is the hard thing to do? How has God used your gift for His glory? Are you good at talking to single guys or gals your age? Is one of your gifts being good at wrapping Christmas or birthday presents?
As a Bible study leader, I see the ladies in my group making decisions that are not in God’s perfect will. While I don’t claim to know God’s perfect will for the lives of all, I do believe that God had given me this little flock to shepherd to teach them about the One who shepherds us all—Head of the Flock. Therefore, God has given me special insight into the lives of the five ladies in my group as I pray for them, wait on God to give me the words to teach them from Scripture, and think of “hot topics” that will affirm my group in knowing how much God loves each and every one of them.
If I measured my success as a leader on the decisions my individual sheep make, then I am a true failure as a shepherdess. A couple of ladies play daring games of “chicken” with the wolves, one lonely little lamb wanders here and there and it’s hard to figure her out, another lamb needs to be comforted, for she has endured much at the hands of others, and the other sheep sticks close to my side and sometimes shepherds me.
The hardest thing about being a shepherdess is watching the sheep who choose to wander dangerously close to the wolves. “Come back, little lambs, for the Father wants to give you so much more. Those wolves want to devour your hearts and steal your souls,” I cry out to the sheep. They look back at me, acknowledging my words, come closer to me, and when I turn my head, dart back toward the darkness. A young woman I once had the pleasure of knowing when I was a youth leader wrote a song that said, “I run full force into the dark.” She knew that running away from God, venturing towards the wolves, was choosing darkness.
So I plead on their behalf, beg God for guidance in what to do, how to approach them, and how to handle the situations which entrap them. And I get frustrated, tell these sheep that they’re “dumb sheep,” and fail them again and again. Human sheep are forgiving creatures, at least the ones in my flock, and they overlook my weaknesses again and again. Should I always call out the sin I see in my group? Set up camp outside their houses like an Old Testament prophet proclaiming God’s wrath and judgment on these women? Do I act tenderly like Hosea to his wife, Gomer? What is the right thing to do when you see the people you shepherd acting so very wrong.
Here is what I’m learning—there is no right answer. Like everyone, I have to get down on my knees before God and pray, address the issues that come out at Bible study, pray for these woman and my own heart (which can pour out judgment like I’m the Supreme Justice for Human Morality). When I pray, I plead for all the woman in my small group. Tears roll down my cheeks and stain my journal as I see the impossibilities in their lives—abuse, divorce recovery, mental illness, physical illness, financial problems, troubling relationships—and I am challenged as I deal with my own impossibilities (which are fairly similar to my group’s). There is no doubt that we were not thrown together by the “fates,” but rather are a flock predestined to meet by the grace of God.
There are imperfect, full of folly, and sometimes rowdy. They dance with the wolves and talk when they’re supposed to be listening. But they are beautiful, especially their scars and hurts, and transparency. They are not only beautiful and precious to me, but to God, who created each and every one of His sheep, including me. To shepherd a flock is to love that flock, to care for that flock, to bind their wounds, cry with them and for them, and to plead for the needs of that flock before the Great Shepherd. Being a shepherdess is not an easy calling, nor does it come with an actual wooden staff (though that would be nifty), yet it is one I accept from the Hand of God. I love my little flock.
Are you a shepherd or shepherdess? If so, what challenges do you find with your flock? What are some joys you find in shepherding both flocks big and small? If you are in a “flock,” what advice do you have for your leaders? Shepherd-folk, how can I pray for you? Flocks, how can I pray for you and your shepherds?
If I’d been more serious about writing a book years ago, I’d have a much cleaner house. No, not because I would have sold millions and been able to afford a full-time housekeeper. The good news/bad news is that I could have accomplished the turbo-clean without publication.
It seems that all I have to do is sit at my computer, lift my hands to the keyboard a la concert pianist, and dust bunnies start multiplying before my eyes. I notice the coffee cup rings on my desk, the cat hair floating lyrically to the brick floors, the sun glistening on the polished wood floors which are almost now evenly covered with their protective layer of microscopic crud, the open-mouthed toilets–not even in view–are taunting me. Yesterday, after 30.6 seconds in front of the monitor, I pounced up to (gasp) vacuum. And (double gasp) I walked/ran on the treadmill.
Writing is lonely. Not counting the three mildly neurotic cats (save me the animals reflect their owners psychobabble….you’re doing it anyway, aren’t you?), it’s just me, my lukewarm cup of coffee, and stacks of papers. Not that I’d want an audience. Might make for a quirky SNL skit though. Massive desk, state of the art computer, spotlight on the keyboard, writer dressed in tuxedo (yes, women can wear tuxedos) slowly walks on stage, gently slides back ergonomically designed chair, flips on the monitor and starts his/her fingers dancing on the keyboard. The audience follows his/her progress on the large screen projected to the right and back of the writer. Chapter ends. Applause.
But, seriously, what I did not understand until I came to the keyboard in pursuit of writing with the intent to actually produce something publishable, is that while I may be surrounded by external silence, my head is crammed with uninvited guests.
In one corner, the petulant children whining about where they’d rather be, asking why we’re spending so much time sitting in this boring room when it’s really such a pretty day outside and we could being doing something like pulling weeds. In another corner, the brats who are causing all sorts of trouble with house cleaning distractions, playing with the telephone reminding me of calls I should be making, telling me I need to compulsively check my email because the editor whose name I added an extra “s” to might be knocked off his chair by my query, completely overlook my written lisp, and be attaching a contract AT THIS VERY NANOSECOND (brats scream…yeesh). And somewhere, roaming around aimlessly, is the worrywart aunt, wearing mismatched ankle socks with her orthopedic shoes, wondering about the physical and mental healths of my immediate family, genoicide, taxes, and world peace. The worst of the pack is the sneering and arrogant bullies, rocking back on their chairs asking me who I think I am that I could be on a bookshelf with the likes of ___________(insert almost any author’s name here), don’t I know that I’m justateacher.
Just when I quiet everyone else, one of the bullies yawns and stretches to his/her nine feet tall self, looks at me, and laughs. It’s then I realize that the only way to shut them up is to drown them in words and sentences and paragraphs and pages and chapters. And when I’m finally there, I’m going to throw my book at them.
So, is the choice being thin with an immaculate house and no book? Or lumpy with dust layers protecting the furniture and publication? Is that why book jackets rarely show full body photos of the writers? And how many writer’s cribs are featured on those house shows anyway?
I just may be able to pull this one off. . .
About Christa Allan…
A true Southern woman who knows that any cook worth her gumbo always starts with a roux and who never wears white after Labor Day, The Edge of Grace is Christa’s second novel. Her debut women’s fiction, Walking on Broken Glass, released in February from Abingdon Press. She is under contract for three more novels that will release in 2012 and 2013. She has been teaching high school English for over twenty years, earning her National Board Certification in 2007. The mother of five adult children and the totally smitten Grammy of two granddaughters, Christa and her veterinarian husband, Ken, live in Abita Springs, Louisiana.
The Women of Faith “Imagine” weekend in Philadelphia was not what I expected. At all. Instead of an authentic women’s conference, Women of Faith felt more like a fabricated “worship experience” that could be plopped down in any city to be enjoyed by the throngs. In essence, I suppose that is what a Women of Faith weekend is—something that can be easily created and re-created for women all over the country. Then again, isn’t that also what a concert tour is? Yes. But here’s how my Casting Crowns concert experience differed from Women of Faith—with Casting Crowns, I felt like I was having an authentic experience, but with Women of Faith, I felt like I was just another cog in the ol’ money making machine (which strikes me as funny since I received comp tickets for writing about the event).
The event started with a worship team made up of four female singers, who had excellent vocals. However, there was no worship band, which meant the praise music was piped into the stadium and the ladies led the audience in a big sing-a-long. In between songs, the singers shared one-to-two sentence insights, and dived into the next song. These songs were loud, upbeat, and instead of leading worship, I felt like I was watching a Point of Grace concert. It was just too perfect. A live band, who could led worship by the prompting of the Holy Spirit, though it would require more set-up/tear down would have improved the worship immensely.
Sheila Walsh
Next, Sheila Walsh spoke about the woman who was bleeding for years before being healed by Jesus. Walsh was flawless in her presentation, using a combination of personal anecdotes, Scripture, and body language that really drove her message home. I was very impressed with Walsh, but slightly confused when the lights went down at the end of her talk and she belted out “Amazing Grace.” Apparently, Walsh is not only an author and a speaker, but a singer as well. Anyway, she received a well-deserved standing ovation.
Then Women of Faith president, Mary Graham, took the stage to introduce well-known author and speaker Dr. Henry Cloud, who somehow snuck into a Women of Faith event, despite his obvious maleness. Graham asked the audience if they knew what day it was. One woman yelled out, “Your birthday?” No, it was not Graham’s birthday, but it was “Wonderful Weirdos Day.” Graham said that if anyone knew about weirdos, it was certainly Dr. Cloud (she called him “Henry,” but I feel more comfortable calling him Dr. Cloud or just “Cloud”).
Dr. Henry Cloud
While those around me seemed to think this was both a charming and personal introduction, I tried my best to hide the tears streaming down my face. See, Dr. Henry Cloud is a clinical psychologist, the “weirdos” he works with are mentally ill. As someone who has been in therapy since 2006, I suppose I could count myself among the “weirdos.” It was then I wondered if I truly belonged at Women of Faith. I thought about leaving, but I was in the very first row, so I tried in vain to choke back my tears.
Dr. Cloud mentioned a verse here and there, but mentioned his latest book, The Law of Happiness, a lot more. I mean, if there was a drinking game for each mention of Boundaries or his latest book, the Women of Faith audience would have been rip roarin’ plastered. Still, I thought Cloud was OK…until his second talk. This time Cloud casually mentioned “hoarders.” Instead of treating hoarding as a serious mental issue, Cloud talked lightly about how hoarders don’t get rid of things because they “might need it someday” or because of the emotional attachment to object. Then Cloud joked that a hoarder probably wouldn’t get rid of her baby’s first poopy diaper because of its sentimental value. What could have been a very important spiritual lesson about keeping things we don’t need (I do believe that was supposed to be Cloud’s point), the illustration derailed into a joke about hoarders. Ha-ha, let’s all laugh at the mentally ill people whose gross houses we see on television. As if seeing a half-hour program on someone’s life truly illustrates the frustrations of obsessive-compulsive disorder! I assumed that Dr. Cloud, being a trained clinical psychologist would treat mental illness with a soft touch. He came across as brash and uncaring, especially when interchangeably throwing around the words “wacko” and “crazy.”
Pretty doodads hanging from the center of the "Imagine" WoF stage.
When Mary Graham took the stage again to announce that Sheila Walsh was going to talk about “their little monkeys” at World Vision, I just got up and left. I didn’t even look back to see if my friend who accompanied me was following me out. I ran right smack into a crowd of women gathered around the Women of Faith merchandise table. “How much is this bag?” a well-dressed middle-aged woman asked a volunteer.
“Oh, you can’t buy that bag,” said the volunteer. “It comes as part of a set.” Apparently, it was a set-up to generate more income because in order to get a tote bag, a woman had to purchase either a $50 set (bag, mug, and some other stuff) or an $85 set (bag, two books, two albums, and a special treat). I could get a nicer bag at the Fossil outlet for the same amount of cash. But I guess it wouldn’t have the Women of Faith logo on it!
However, I did leave my mark at Women of Faith, just after eating the subpar lunch provided for attendees, I decided to fill out a card for the Q&A session with Sheila Walsh and Dr. Henry Cloud. I wrote, “Dr. Cloud, as a mental health professional do you think it’s appropriate to refer to the mentally ill as ‘weirdos’ and ‘wackos’?”
Then I turned the card over and wrote, “I have an M.A. in counseling. I am mentally ill. And, yes, my feelings were hurt.” I doubt my question was chosen for the Q&A. I guess I will never know.
"Wheat Field in Rain" or simply "Rain" by Vincent Van Gogh
I hoped my Women of Faith weekend in Philadelphia would be a time to reconnect my hardened heart with a living God—and it was. However, that didn’t happen at the Women of Faith weekend; it occurred at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. There was something magnificent about glimpsing at Vincent Van Gogh’s “Still Life: Vase with Twelve Sunflowers” painting for the first time—the real painting—not a print. To discover the dimensions in his blobs of paint, to have tangible proof that my favorite painter lived and died, to be reminded that he was a madman (a “weirdo” or a “wacko”) and not recognized as a genius in his time. I’m not calling myself a genius or believe that my “art,” my writing, will outlive my life. I suppose I just felt more at home with a fellow weirdo’s priceless painting.
I was most affected by, “Wheat Field in Rain”, his depiction of beauty beyond the window of his asylum. Despite being interned at a mental hospital, Van Gogh still saw value in the world and still painted. Sixteen dollars to get into the Philadelphia Museum of Art versus 100 bucks for a pre-fabricated “worship” experience at Women of Faith? Next time, I’m going to skip the conference and head straight for the art museum.
*In exchange for a fair and honest evaluation of the Women of Faith weekend, I was given two complimentary tickets by Thomas Nelson. Clearly, I was not required to write a positive review, only a fair review, and that is what I feel I did. Other views may differ, and I truly hope that others did have a good time to connect with God and others at Women of Faith weekends and other events.*
On Friday morning, BFF Sarah and I will be heading to Philadelphia to attend the two-day Women of Faith weekend (WoF). Thanks to BookSneeze, I received two free passes in exchange for telling y’all about my experience. Sounds good to me! Ah, the perks of being a blogger.
I’ve never been to a Women of Faith weekend, so I don’t really know what to expect. According to the WoF website, outside food and drinks will be confiscated—does that mean I can’t shove a pack of Mentos into my purse? Will I be forced to pay $4 for a small soda? I know that Jesus is the living water, but will He be handing out Deer Park at the event? Keeping us dehydrated could cut down on those infamously long lines at the women’s restroom I suppose.
Anyway, the theme of the weekend is “Imagine,” and I will, “be refreshed, encouraged and inspired. Because the God who loves you can do far more than you can ever Imagine.” (Refreshed = free water, I’m sure of it.) Lately, I’ve been feeling parched, discouraged, and vacant.
I’m so thirsty for something more. (More of God? Definitely more than just slogging through the day.)
I don’t feel like I can make it through another minute. My strength is failing me. Not only do I need courage, but I need to be encouraged.
I have so many thoughts running through my head. I want to do this and that, but I get so tired—I’m too tired to start, too depressed to even try. I ache for inspiration (and motivation).
And I think, I can’t go to Women of Faith this weekend. I’m too weak, too depressed, too me. My anxiety is kicking up at the thought of being closed into a stadium with thousands of women. The thought of being touched or hugged by a stranger gives me knots in my stomach. O, God, please don’t make me go.
His response? “I love you far more than you can ever imagine.”
I won’t let my fear control me. I will bask in refreshment, encouragement, and inspiration. I will let it fill me up and surround me like a warm bubble bath, and seep into my dry soul like aloe vera.
Just let go of the fear and imagine…
(The video makes the Women of Faith weekend look pretty fun!)
Have you been to a Women of Faith weekend? What was it like? Think my Mentos are contraband? Are you going to Philly this weekend for WoF or another stop on the Imagine tour?
"Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers." Isaac Asimov
Under the Hood
All About Amy
Amy Sondova is a writer specializing in media writing, including interviews and reviews, as well as blogging. Having interviewed over a gazillion of the top musicians, writers, and speakers in the Christian media, Amy has also written countless columns, reviews, and articles on various topics including mental illness, self-injury, working with teenagers, and Christianity. She is currently very involved with her church and her new passion, women's ministry. She lives with BFF Sarah and has a shih tzu named Maddy and a cockatiel named Kylie.
Another decidedly counter-cultural idea that resonates in these new songs is how God never lets believers, including worship leaders, get too comfortable in their faith or permanently reside on the proverbial spiritual mountaintop.
If I’d been more serious about writing a book years ago, I’d have a much cleaner house. No, not because I would have sold millions and been able to afford a full-time housekeeper. The good news/bad news is that I could have accomplished the turbo-clean without publication.
The 
On Friday morning, BFF Sarah and I will be heading to Philadelphia to attend the two-day 
HONK YER HORN