True Confessions Friday:: He called me Squeaker.

Anyone who’s ever talked to me or listened to one of my audio interviews over at The Christian Manifesto knows that I have a unique voice. While my mom thinks my voice is quite lovely and those who know me appreciate its quirkiness, it hasn’t always been a gift.  In fact, there was a time I didn’t want to talk at all because I hated my voice.  Plus, I felt like I had nothing worthwhile to say anyway.

It all started in middle school with this kid named Jeremy (I should out him by giving you his full name.  That would be mean and self-serving.  Besides, this is my confession, not his).  He was short blond kid with a bowl haircut and eyes that slanted with malicious intent.  He wasn’t popular and he wasn’t unpopular—he was middle-of-the-road mediocre.  The popular kids made fun of him, so to impress them, he made fun of me.  Why he wanted to impress kids who mocked him is beyond me.  You’d think a kid in the gifted program would have a little more sense.  I was one of his favorite targets.  Besides being a chubby nerd with the self-esteem of a banana, I had a funny voice, too.

He called me Squeaker and I hated it.

And I just about hated him for it.  I know we Christians aren’t supposed to hate, but this was middle school and as you know, middle school is war.  Plus, I said “just about,” which means I didn’t really hate him; I almost did.  Jeremy is still one of the meanest kids I’ve ever met.  Not only did he call me Squeaker, he got other kids to do it, too.

Every day during environmental science, he would taunt me from his seat ahead of mine.  No matter what I said he would imitate me, even if I was answering a question in class!  Plus, I sat one seat away from my first real crush, Tim-something-or-other (Notice I can’t remember his last name.  It started with a “W” though).  It was day after day of humiliation.  A few times Tim, my prepubescent knight in MC Hammer-like pants, told him to knock it off and Tim was popular enough to be taken seriously.  But Jeremy was relentless, like a collection agent that keeps calling your apartment for someone who doesn’t live there.

Jeremy was one of the reasons I was grateful to go to Christian high school.  I sit here at 29 years of age and still wonder how one young boy could be so cruel.  It wasn’t just calling me Squeaker—that was just the worst thing he did.  It shattered me—because the other kids joined in, because I believed it, and because I still believe it sometimes.  I hate that it happened half my life ago and it still hurts me.

But it’s also empowered me.  Despite my squeaky voice, I decided to go into communications, primarily for writing.  Still I found I loved our ghetto college radio station and video production.  It’s still my dream to host my own radio program (or podcast) and I’d love to do voiceover work, especially cartoon voices (seriously, that would be the coolest thing—EVER!)  What was once my weakness, God used as a strength—to teach youth, to lead Bible studies, to do interviews, and to talk non-stop even when people want me to shut up.  Jeremy called me Squeaker and he meant it for evil, yet God used it for good.  By the way, Jeremy, I forgive you, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget you.

Book Review:: The Five Love Languages Singles Edition by Gary Chapman

I first became fluent in the Five Love Languages when I was working on my graduate degree.  Our professor asked us to pick a Christian counselor and critique his or her methods.  I chose Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages.  From his original book (intended for married couples, though I never felt excluded) to many of its spin-offs, Chapman has been able to help many people learn better communication skills.  His 30 years of clinical experience, work with young adults, and conference-speaking come together to craft a new edition of The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition.  The book focuses on five different singles groups—those who have never been marriage, divorcees, those who are separated (not divorced), widows, and single parents.

After a couple chapters on the definition of love and its importance to singles, Chapman revisits the Five Love Languages.  He starts out by making this powerful claim, “So, here is the thesis of the book based on thirty-plus years of experience in the counseling office: I am convinced there are only five love languages—five ways to experience love emotionally.” These ways are through words of affirmation, gift giving, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. He devotes a chapter to each language, including stories from his many years of experience.

Chapman makes a lot of good points, especially about the importance of having a godly relationship that will last.  He writes, “Love is not a feeling; it is a way of behaving,” and his books teach readers how to observe human behavior so they can love one another more fully.  Plus, the Love Languages make sense and offer practical application.  I have no doubt that this book has helped many relationships.

Since I am a single, never-married woman, I decided this book could offer helpful advice.  I thought this book would help me to feel more loved as a single woman; instead, I received a lot of advice on how not to blow it with the future Mister.  While there was one chapter devoted to roommates and friends, I generally thought I was reading a book for Christian couples considering marriage.  I felt more isolated because I’m not even dating a guy whose love language I can discover!  Did Chapman offer advice on how to meet Mr. Right?  Of course not!  This isn’t a dating book, after all…but it sure felt like one.

If you’re looking for a good book on how to not ruin your next dating relationship before it starts, The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition is for you.  If you have difficulty getting along with others, this book is for you.  However, if you want to feel better about being single, this book isn’t what you’re looking for.  Unless, of course, you read it and realize that all your past break-ups weren’t your fault—your ex just didn’t speak your love language.  Then the book could be a definite pick-me-up.

Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5

One Foxy Shoe-Smuggling Ring

Fox cubs patiently waiting for mom to bring back the shoes!

Anyone who’s ever owned a dog knows the fascination canines have with shoes.  While treats, toys, and bones galore lie strewn across the house, what does your dog want to chew?  Your stinky, smelly, muddy shoes.  At first it’s endearing, “Awww, look, Mommy’s little girl likes Vans, too.” Then the problem becomes annoying, “We do not chew on Mommy’s Birkenstocks.”  And at some point, we take the furball to training after discovering our new Jimmy Choo pumps have been ruined by our overgrown “puppy.” Dogs and shoes and women and shoes—we’re all equally fascinated by the things.

So it’s not surprising that an enterprising cousin of the domesticated canine—a fox–was behind a ring of shoe thefts in the small town of Fohren in Western Germany.  It all started when shoes began to disappear from door steps and back porches all over the city—sometimes the thief would steal the pair, but would more often leave one shoe behind.  It was dastardly, confusing, and downright annoying—what can you do with only one shoe?  And why did the residents leave their shoes out when they knew there was a shoe smuggling ring afoot?

As it turns out, the thief was none other than a female fox looking for a good time (full story).  A forestry worker stumbled upon dozens of shoes around the fox’s lair, within her lair, and in an undisclosed location nearby where the local foxes like to play.  It seems that the momma fox and her babies had a shoe fetish and like their domesticated dog pals, just wanted to play with the shoes.

The town’s “count” (German towns have counts?  That sounds so medieval!) gathered the shoes and spread them out on the “palace grounds” (there are palaces in Germany?) so locals could reclaim their fox-bitten shoes.  Because who wouldn’t want his or her shoe (or shoes—thirteen pairs were found amongst the singles) back after it was chewed, defecated upon, and played with by a wild fox who could be carrying diseases?  (Of course, I could always use them for “The Shoe Project.”)

No word on whether or not the fox prefers German-made shoes like Birki’s or American shoes like Nike (which are actually manufactured in sweat shops overseas, but still…).  And this fox hasn’t changed her ways—locals report in recent weeks that their shoes have started disappearing once again.

Of course they have! Old dogs (or young foxes) don’t learn new tricks.  Nor do the townspeople who still seem to keep their shoes outside!

True Confessions Friday:: I had a rockin’ Michael Jackson belt.

I still remember the day I got my Michael Jackson belt.  I was shopping at K-Mart with my mom and I found it on the edge of the “Boys Clothing Section.”  I begged her to buy me that boy belt (previous attempts to get boys’ shoes had not worked.  Didn’t she know that I needed Thundercats sneakers?)  She gave in easily and I proudly wore my Michael Jackson belt to daycare the next day.

Then in first grade, I met a kid who claimed that he was Michael Jackson’s nephew.  I half-believed him, but only because I wanted to meet Michael Jackson.  Something told me that it was a load of poppycock.  Still, just in case, I wore my Michael Jackson belt to school to show my classmate that I was a true fan who deserved to meet his “uncle.”

In middle school came the “Heal the World” and “Black/White” days, which were funny (I mean, the one song was used in the first Free Willy movie) and touching—all at the same time.  Michael’s sister, Janet, started to rock the music scene.  It was a strange and confusing time because Michael started to look like someone different.  He just wasn’t Michael Jackson anymore.

Around that time, a made-for-TV movie about the life of the Jackson children aired.  I couldn’t believe the abuse the children, especially Michael, endured at the hands of their cruel father.  Poor Michael.  He had been through an altered state of childhood and adolescence.  And, oh, did he suffer!

It explained Neverland and some of the other odd behavior Michael Jackson.  However, once the allegations of child abuse came along, his career was over.  Renamed “Jacko,” he became the laughingstock of pop music, even thought he was hailed the unofficial “King of Pop.”  He married Lisa Marie Presley, hung his baby over a banner, and his appearance more and more frail.  He was guilty, that was for sure, though he maintained his innocence until the day of his day—yesterday.

The slow decline of a pop star is sad sort of thing.  It’s like watching a beautiful flower wilt until its withered petals fall off and crumble onto the ground.  This is the best way I can find to characterize the life of Michael Jackson.

Despite his madness and his disgusting accusations of child abuse, I want to listen to my favorite MJ songs like “Billie Jean,” “Thriller,” and “Man in the Mirror” and remember how he shattered racial barriers with his music in the 80’s, defining an era.  And, if I still had it, I’d put on my Michael Jackson belt, just for today.

Weird Video Wednesday:: Bring on the Shih Tzus!

It’s no secret that I adore shih tzus, especially my own 2 year-old darling Madalyne.  The other day while wasting time, I mean, doing important research for “Weird Video Wednesday,” I stumbled across this video.  Unfortunately, I’m not able to embed it because the owner has disabled the feature, but you can click on the link to check it out.

So, instead, I found the video below, which is a bunch of cute little shih tzu puppies playing.  It’s not exactly weird, but it is super adorable.

Alright, alright, you want weird.  Here’s this strange video of a guy being stalked by his shih tzu.  And it’s true–my shih tzu is ALWAYS staring at me waiting for me to do something, like walk to the other room, so she can follow me.  Cassie the Peekapoo is more independent and does her own thing.  Anyway, this video is weird and it gave me a chuckle.

Movie Review:: He’s Just Not That Into You (2009)

Ladies, when a guy doesn’t call it’s not because he’s too busy or out of town for a mother or in a coma following in a tragic skydiving accident.  The truth is this—he’s just not that into you.  Or so says bartender Alex (Justin “The Mac Guy” Long) to lovelorn Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) as she tries to make a love match with a man who’s clearly not interested in her.  As Gigi navigates the murky waters of singleness and dating, her co-workers Janine (Jennifer Connelly) and Beth (Jennifer Aniston) deal with relationship problems all their own.  Add in a very sexy yoga instructor/wanna-be singer named Anna (Scarlett Johannson) and her friend Mary (Drew Barrymore) and you have the female cast of Flower Film’s latest chick flick, He’s Just Not That Into You (2009).

While the movie could quickly deteriorate into a gushy chick flick/soap opera, He’s Just Not That Into You instead focuses on various types of love relationships within a core group of people, who are only separated by a degree or two.  Gigi tries to find true love while seeking advice from a cynical, know-it-all bartender while Beth’s loving boyfriend (Ben Affleck) just won’t ask her to marry him after seven years of dating.  Anna is having an affair with a married man (Bradley Cooper), who just happens to be Janine’s husband.  There’s also the guy Anna is fooling around with named Conor (Kevin Connolly), who was the guy that didn’t call Gigi in the beginning of the movie.  Not only is he friends with Alex, but he also buys advertising space from Anna’s gal pal Mary.  Confused yet?  Believe me, it makes much more sense when you watch the movie.

Not only does this He’s Just Not That IntoYou play on female archetypes—the virgin (Gigi), the whore (Anna), the [wanna-be] mother (Janine, who also mothers Gigi), the damsel-in-distress (Gigi and Beth)—it uses its female archetypes dynamically to enhance the plot.  Each woman plays her part masterfully, following expected and unexpected paths to arrive at a greater knowledge of self.  Gigi, who is the movie’s main protagonist, owns her idealistic notions about love and in turn, becomes her own rescuer.  Furthermore, the naivety that seemed to make her weak empowers her to rescue another lonely heart.  Gigi’s narrative carries the plot as the other women experience romance, heartaches, break-ups, break-downs, and happily-ever-afters.

This star-studded ensemble cast presents the story of woman in love with men—all types of women and all types of men.  In one or all of these characters, viewers can see parts of themselves as the desperate woman waiting for a man to call, the husband with the wandering eye, the guy who’s given up on love, and a frustrated 30-something waiting for a proposal.  Like Gigi, we all hope for a happy ending.  Fortunately, He’s Just Not That Into You has a few (and a couple of not-so-happy ones as well).

Jon & Kate Plus the D-Word

Illustration by Maggie Wong, CNS

Until tonight, I never watched a full episode of “Jon & Kate Plus 8.”  Then again, the stakes were never so high.  Would they stay together or not?

Sadly, the answer is no (full story).  After Jon and Kate said they were going to separate, a message appeared on the screen—a last minute edit—notifying viewers that the Gosselins had started legal proceedings for divorce.  Of course, no one actually used the word “divorce.”  That nasty, ugly D-word.

The first half of the episode felt like an infomercial starring the Gosselin kids and their new playhouses, while the last half seemed like I was listening to a conversation that should be taking place in the marriage counselor’s office, not on national television. The Gosselins talked about how the kids come first, how they have to do what’s best, how painful this and that will be, and how they don’t hate one another. Kate bravely shared that she would be strong and she would do what’s best for the kids.  Jon said he might even get a job, but he doesn’t really know what’s going to happen next.

It’ll be hard, but as long as no one uses the D-word, things will be OK.  Unfortunately, reality is much crueler.  The kids will wonder what they did to cause Mommy and Daddy’s marriage to fall apart.  Was it because we weren’t good enough?  Were there too many of us?  Perhaps they’ll become little matchmakers, hoping against hope, that somehow the spark of romance will be rekindled between their parents once again.  They once loved each other, right?  Can love just die?  So many questions will run through their little minds.

Everyone thinks that the younger a child is, the easier a divorce will be for him or her.  I don’t care what “they” say; it’s simply not true.  Divorce hurts kids…a lot.  If her parents couldn’t even stay together—the two most important people in a young child’s life—then what hope can that child have for future relationships?  Every fight with a friend becomes feared abandonment.  Everyone can walk away from a relationship, just like mom and dad walked away from one another.

There’s also the church to consider.  I mean, do these two have biblical grounds for divorce?  Clearly, it’s no one’s business, but that doesn’t mean people won’t ask and condemn.  I remember being asked the question myself when my own parents got divorced.  I mean, who cares whether or not it was biblical—at that moment, I needed someone to listen to my heart, not give me a discourse on marriage and divorce.

Will Kate’s book Multiple Blessings continue to sell?  Will she be asked to speak at church events?  Really, what is her witness as a child of God in these circumstances?  And how will the church react to Kate now that she’s going through the D-word?  Should the show even continue?  Do we really want to see “Jon Plus 8” and “Kate Plus 8”?  Isn’t part of the show watching Jon and Kate raise their kids together?

We probably don’t like to say it—DIVORCE—because it’s ugly.  Legal proceedings, separation, time apart—those sound better; those don’t sound so cold and so final.  My mom once told me that marriage is when two people become one flesh, and when she divorced my father it literally felt as though her flesh was being ripped in two.  That’s the raw, unscripted, unrehearsed truth about the D-word.    Jon and Kate Gosselin are getting a divorce and we are invited to be the voyeurs.  It’s time to turn off the TV and let the Gosselins live their lives—we don’t need to see another American family become a statistic.

Take 5 with Mandy Parsons, Owner of Savvy Media Solutions

Mandy Parsons is one of the coolest people in the Christian music industry.  Here’s why—after I chose to return to the world of journalism, specifically in the Christian music market, Mandy was one of the first publicists to help me out.  Because of her, I was able to schedule reviews and interviews with some of the industry’s hottest artists for the youth ministry site I was working with at the time.

Then when I decided to start Backseat Writer, Mandy was incredibly supportive. Not only is she a great publicist to her clients, she takes the time to get to know the press people with whom she works.

One of the best in the business, Mandy’s been working as a publicist for 10 years.  She launched her own independent public relations agency, Savvy Media Solutions, in 2004. Savvy Media provides exposure to both highly visible artists such as newsboys, Matthew West, Superchick, GRITS, and Britt Nicole, and solid record labels like Forefront Records, Credential Recordings, Sparrow Records, Inpop Records, and Revolution Art.  Well-respected and always professional, it only made sense to ask Mandy to “Take 5” with Backseat Writer.

*How did you get your start working in publicity?

Upon graduating college I moved to Nashville to intern with Atlantic Records in its Christian music division. It was there that I met Melissa Hambrick, the label’s contracted independent publicist, who owned SpinCycle Public Relations. At the time, she needed part-time help with tour press for another client. I worked at my internship during the morning and for SpinCycle in the afternoons. After I completed my internship, SpinCycle hired me on full time. It was there that Melissa took me under her wing for what I would now describe as an apprenticeship. She taught me absolutely everything I needed to know about public relations.

*What are some of the fun perks of your job?

I love getting new music before it releases. Working and interacting with the artists is one of the most rewarding aspects of my job as well.

* What is one misconception that people have about your job that drives you crazy?

A popular misconception among industry circles is that a successful publicity campaign is measured by the number of secured “big hits” (i.e. major network television appearances, high profile newspaper or magazine placements, etc., targeted to mass audiences). I would argue that the most effective campaigns are those that pursue multiple niche markets best served by the artist’s message/product. (side note: a great resource for those seeking to better understand the paradigm shift in present-day marketing and PR is  The New Rules of Marketing & PR by David Meerman Scott.)

*Share a crazy on-the-job story (the more chaotic, the better).

Any time I need to get a photo op with someone who is high profile I feel like a stalker. There was one instance when I waited outside Sean Hannity’s tour bus for six hours to get his photo with one of my clients. I literally had 60 seconds from when he left the venue to board the bus to get my shot.

*What’s on your desk at this moment? (Don’t clean it to answer this question!)

Ha, ha. Matthew West’s Something to Say CD and Sarah Reeves’ latest release, Sweet, Sweet Sound, a ton of post-it notes, the Associated Press Stylebook, message book of phone calls I need to return, stack of press clippings and magazines, marketing notes, my “middle- of- the- night- ideas” note pad, a book on web marketing.

Jon & Kate:: What about the Plus Eight?

Take it from a kid whose parents split up—it’s not something you want the world to see.  People are generally at their worse when dividing up 23 years of marriage between alimony, possessions, and accusations.  I should know; I’m a child of divorce, which is why this whole Jon and Kate Gosselin thing is out of control.  Fine, if two reality TV stars want to duke it out in the court of public opinion–let ‘em.  The problem is these “stars” are famous for being parents of multiples.  They are famous for being parents–whose feuding directly involves eight precious lives.

I am concerned for the kids that know Jon and Kate as “Mommy” and “Daddy.”  They are old enough to know that something doesn’t seem right.  However, as they grow older they will be able to access footage of their early lives, including the time when Mommy and Daddy “lived apart for a while.”  Time will tell if the separation will be permanent.

Even at its current state, the show is dangerously turning into something that is better kept private.  And not just for the sake of the children (which is a major concern), but also for the decency of the viewing public.  I don’t want to see sex scenes in primetime and I don’t want to see families being torn apart on cable.  I suppose I could just change the channel.  It’s just sad when you can’t watch “The Learning Channel,” you know what I mean?

Apparently, a new episode of the reality series will be broadcast on TLC this Monday at 9 PM revealing a SHOCKING announcement from the Gosselins (see ad here).  If it was anything like the Jon-and-Kate-reunite-after-allegations-of-marital-unfaithfulness episode, 10 million or more viewers will tune in to witness the ongoing drama.  Many of these viewers have watched the show since the six youngest kids were infants and are genuinely concerned about the Gosselin household.  Dear saints are praying for the healing of Jon and Kate’s marriage and for wholeness in this family.

Whatever Monday night brings—and we will be shocked—TLC has assured viewers that it’s a game changer.  Will the show be cancelled?  Will the show be “Kate Plus Eight”?  How has all this affected book sales and ratings?  Can Jon and Kate beat the odds?  For the sake of those children, they better get their acts together.  Enough of this celebrity parent stuff!  Stop writing books, whining about your hair, instructing your nannies, hanging out on beaches in skimpy bikinis, going to night clubs with young single ladies, and for crying out loud, THROW THE CAMERA CREW OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND RAISE YOUR CHILDREN!

When Jon and Kate signed up for this reality show gig, they said they did it for the good of their children.  They claim they couldn’t have afforded the “good life” for their kids without making this “sacrifice.”  I wonder if their kids would trade in the good life if only Mommy and Daddy would get back together.  Some things are far too precious to sacrifice.

Weird Video Wednesday:: “Hooked On A Feeling”–David Hasselhoff

I don’t know if “Weird Video Wednesday” is going to stick, but it definitely describes today’s post–a zany music video of David Hasselhoff performing “Hooked On A Feeling.”  I probably posted it before, but you can never get enough of The Hoff ruining classic songs. Or flying from obscure to obscure scene.  Personally, I like the fist punch dancing while he’s sporting the James Bond look.   I hear his music does well…in Germany.